Ray Romano riffed off the President Obama's lackluster first campaign debate.
"Do you quit when you are down 1 to 0 in the World Series? No, you keep going," Romano said. "Do you quit when you are down 1 to nothing in the debates? No you keep going, you become the president!"
"It's very surreal that I am talking to the president and first lady ... .I really wish I had voted," he said.
"I lost my virginity to the first 2 minutes of 'Stairway to Heaven,'" Romano said, referring to the long-running Zepplin song. "I apologized for the next 11."
Jimmy Kimmel called Letterman a "hero to every one of us in this room with the possible exception of those who came to see the ballerina."
"When I was a teenager, Dave was my Justin Bieber," Kimmel said.
Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey also feted Letterman, Baldwin with a Top 10 list -- a Letterman staple -- and Fey saying as a kid she couldn't figure out if Letterman was "a parody of a talk show host ... or a Midwestern goon that was just a little bit off."
Foo Fighters, Lenny Kravitz and Kid Rock performed musical tributes and Marakova was honored by dance performances.