Dec. 30 (UPI) -- Brittani Boren Leach is honoring her late son, Crew.
The YouTube star paid tribute to Crew in an Instagram post Wednesday on the one-year anniversary of his death.
Crew died at three months old in December 2019 after being found unresponsive on Christmas Day. Leach and her husband, Jeff Leach, have three other sons together, Cooper Cash and Cole, and two children, Carter and Sydney, from their previous marriages.
On Wednesday, Leach shared a photo of herself holding a beanie. The picture shows a small tattoo of a cardinal that she has on her inner wrist.
"One year ago I held your hand for the last time and kissed your bald head as tears poured from my eyes," Leach captioned the post. "One year ago I rode down the halls next to you as people paid tribute to your life as a hero. One year ago I said 'Goodbye for now' outside of OR doors. One year ago I walked out of a hospital with aching empty arms and a shattered heart."
"I'm strong because I have to be, but today I don't want to be," she said. "Sometimes I cry out to God and beg him to let me hold you one more time. But God knows my work here isn't done, so he sends a Cardinal to comfort my heart until I can hold you again."
Leach said her cardinal tattoo reminds her that Crew is "always" with her.
"I miss you Crew, and everyday is just one more day closer to you," she said.
In December 2019, Leach shared how Crew "laid down for a nap" at a relative's house and "was not breathing" when she went to check on him. Crew was hospitalized but was eventually taken off life support. Leach and her husband chose to donate Crew's organs.
"Right now Crew is dancing and playing in Heaven with Jeff's brother, great grandparents, a little brother I never met, and some very special little boys," Leach said at the time. "And one day we hope to meet the 3 or 4 little lives that he has saved. But right now there's a big hole in my heart and my arms feel empty."
Leach and her family attended a memorial for Crew in January.
"We laid our sweet baby boy to rest today, and a part of me went with him," she said on Instagram. "We will always feel like we are missing a piece of our family, because we are."
Leach gave birth to Cole, her fourth son with Jeff Leach, in November.
