Subscribe | UPI Odd Newsletter Subscribe GRAPEVINE, Texas, Oct. 24 (UPI) -- Last weekend I tooled up to Columbus, Ohio, for the annual 24-hour horror marathon at Studio 35 near the Ohio State campus, and the question everybody was asking was, "Do you think it's still okay to celebrate blood-and-guts horror films?" (Apparently the parents have been working overtime on this one -- even suggesting that Halloween costumes should be toned down this year.) After much discussion and serious level-headed consideration of the topic, we decided the answer is: HELL YES! Advertisement Just wanted to clear that up. Anyhoo, the dreaded word "anthology" always rears its ugly head around Halloween as independent filmmakers string together a bunch of short films (another kiss-of-death term), hoping for a "Creepshow" miracle. The fact is, people just don't like short stories. They remind you of high school. Still, you gotta admire anybody who calls his movie "Scary Tales," because the word "Tales" is gonna remind everyone of "Tales From the Crypt," so you're setting yourself up for heartache. But that's exactly what Tampa writer/director Michael A. Hoffman did, coming up with a framing story about an average guy who goes to a lifeless strip shopping center for an interview at an employment agency and comes face-to-face with a bug-eyed manager who not only describes the jobs available, but describes the horrible things that will happen to you if you TAKE the jobs. Advertisement Okay, it's thin, but we don't spend much time in the psycho employment agency. Instead we're introduced to various forms of supernatural terror in three stories, all starring Bill Cassinelli, who comes across as a kind of bored, inept slacker who can turn demonic at any moment. In the first story, he's daydreaming while driving down a suburban street and runs over a little girl playing with her doll. He leaves the scene of the accident and destroys the evidence, only to be haunted by children's dolls that show up in his apartment, his car and his bed every time he turns around. They're not exactly Chucky, but they do talk and they do provide a few startling moments leading to a predictable ending. The second story is better. As a bumbling clerk at a used bookstore, Cassinelli develops a crush on a bitchy babe customer and studies up on astral projection so he can sneak into her apartment at night and hypnotize her into falling in love with him. Unfortunately he overstays his time in dreamland and suffers the ultimate price. And in the concluding story, Cassinelli is a struggling screenwriter (is there any other kind?) who goes insane from a combination of rejection ("pure rubbish" is the kindest thing producers say about his scripts), alcohol, pills and way too much smoking, and the result is that he brutally murders the reincarnated Edgar Allan Poe. Appropriately, the story has a very Poesque twist at the end. Advertisement This is one of those digital video dealies that was made for less than $40,000, and they didn't pay much attention to the locations -- could you TRY to find more boring houses, motels and strip malls? --but it has a couple nice scares and some special-ed effects. For the sold-over-the-Internet market, it's not that bad. Six dead bodies. Four breasts, but two are stunt breasts. One hit-and-run. Astral travel. Bloody license plate. Bloody shirt. Multiple dolly abuse. Flying knife to the stomach. Tequila-guzzling. Bottle to the head. Burial alive. Gratuitous frolicking on the beach. Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Lindsay Horgan, as the bitchy but bootylicious beach babe; Bill Cassinelli, as the struggling schlemiel who says "Tonight I'm gonna make her love me" and "Eternity like this? Karma's a bitch!"; and Thorin Taylor Hannah, as the girlfriend who can't understand why her man has become a crazed abusive pill-popping alcoholic murderer. (Answer: he's a writer.) One and a half stars. Joe Bob says check it out. "Scary Tales" Web site: geocities.com/fxguy1969. -- To reach Joe Bob, go to joebob-briggs.com or email him at [email protected]. Snail-mail: P.O. Box 2002, Dallas, TX 75221.
