Jockstrip: The World As We Know It

I'M DREAMING OF A GREEN CHRISTMAS

Americans won't give into the Grinch of war, terrorism and bioterrorism and are poised to do more shopping this holiday season than earlier estimates.

That's according to a new poll released by the National Retail Federation.

The NRF 2001 Consumer Holiday Outlook survey finds U.S. consumers plan to spend an average of nearly $1,000 per household on gifts for family and friends this holiday season, along with other holiday items, with overall sales expected to increase by up to 3 percent over last year.

In spite of the events since Sept. 11, a large majority of the 1,000 people questioned said they don't plan drastic changes in their holiday shopping behavior this year. Four out of five consumers (83.6 percent) plan to buy gifts and cards this holiday season for about the same number or more people than they did last year.

THINGS WE DON'T UNDERSTAND

A tricky problem for Commander Solo, the American psy-ops aircraft currently trying to teach Afghans that some yellow is good -- like the packages containing the American airdrops of food in the MRE (Meals Ready to East) bags. But some is bad -- like the yellow casings around cluster bombs.

"We would like you to take extra care and not to touch yellow-colored objects thinking that they might be food bags," the airborne radio is now saying, according to BBC monitors. "This issue is highly important, especially in areas where bombs have been dropped. You should not forget and take additional care. Do not confuse the cylinder-shaped bomb with the rectangular food bag."

Hope that's clear.

(From UPI Hears)

NEWS OF OTHER LIFE FORMS

The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission is expected to vote Thursday to ban shark feeding trips for divers.

The measure would ban the feeding of all marine animals by divers and prohibit charter boats from carrying passengers to watch fish feedings. The rule would take effect Jan. 1 if adopted.

The controversy has been raging for two years, but the current furor stems from a flurry of shark attacks on swimmers and surfers last summer.

So far this year, there have been 64 attacks worldwide -- 50 in the United States and 36 in Florida. There have been three deaths -- one each in Virginia, North Carolina and Brazil -- according to the International Shark Attack File in Gainesville, Fla.

Last year, there were 85 attacks worldwide and 38 in Florida for the entire year. There were 12 fatalities, with one of them in Florida.

File director George Burgess said he favors the ban -- not because there have been some injuries on the shark feeding trips but because the trips tend to change the environment and the behavior of sharks.

Not surprisingly, dive companies oppose the ban and have sued to prevent its imposition.

"Reacting to recent media hype concerning shark attacks, the proposed ruling blames divers for shark incidents despite the lack of any scientific data supporting their position," said Ruby Enriquez of the Diving Equipment and Marketing Association (DEMA).

The National Humane Society has condemned the DEMA lawsuit.

TODAY'S SIGN THE WORLD IS ENDING

Kid Rock says what he and former "Baywatch" babe Pamela Anderson have "no one will ever understand."

"It was weird when we met," Rock tells Spin magazine. "I was thinking, 'Wow, here's someone who kinda thinks like I do. Let's go out and have a great f-----' time and party like animals.' But there's a time and place for that and a time and place for family. No one will ever see us hanging out with the kids and barbecuing all day. You only get what's flashy. It's understandable."

"Say nice things about my boyfriend, okay?" Anderson asked Spin senior writer Chris Norris at the close of the interview, which appears in the December issue. "Make sure he seems nice and slutty."

AND FINALLY, TODAY'S UPLIFTING STORY

Former President George Bush was in Chicago Monday to help Mayor Richard Daley re-open the observation deck at the 1,450-foot Sears Tower.

The Skydeck on the building's 103rd floor -- a major tourist attraction --- has been closed since the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks in New York and Washington. Police and federal authorities have speculated that the nation's tallest building may have been a prime target of terrorists in September.

Security has since been intensified inside and outside the 110-story gray-glass and steel tower. To reach the Skydeck, visitors must pass through metal detectors and the same type of X-ray machines used at airports.