OTTAWA -- Canada's Rhinoceros Party Thursday unveiled its platform for the Sept. 4 national election, promising to move the capital to Kansas, permit Americans to vote in Canadian elections, unionize members of Parliament and lower the boiling point of water.
'The big gray machine is on the move,' said Rhino campaign director Charlie McKenzie.
'Canadians are going to get the kind of government they deserve.'
Leaders of the tongue-in-cheek party, which outpolled serious splinter parties in some districts at the last election but has yet to elect a member, promised at a news conference that if elected, they would:
-move the capital from Ottawa, Ontario, to Ottawa, Kansas, in order to calm American fears about Canadian attitudes to 'capital' investment;
-give Americans the right to vote in Canadian elections. If, as expected, the Americans reciprocate, Canadian voters could help oust President Ronald Reagan from office;
-encourage ministers to change portfolios every day;
-establish the right to strike for members of Parliament;
-lower the boiling point of water to save energy and allow people to sleep in longer before getting up to prepare their morning coffee;
-give more government aid to small businesses, especially those with less than one employee. There would also be a special program to help small people start small businesses.
A policy paper released by the party stated:
'Dependent upon the success of our efforts ... we are prepared to offer both the incumbent Republican and the Democratic nominee for the presidency an opportunity to join us in creating the United States of Canada.
'It is felt this will appeal to most young Americans of draft age because Canada has no draft. True, we have a fairly Big Chill Factor, but that usually occurs in January or February when everyone is in Miami.'