CHICAGO -- Chicago Tribune columnist Mike Royko Thursday urged voters in next Tuesday's Illinois primary to lie to exit pollsters in order to confound television network projections of early winners.
'Be polite.
Talk to them. But lie. Don't give them one honest answer,' Royko wrote in his syndicated column.
'If you voted for Mondale, say you voted for Hart. If you voted for Hart, say you voted for Mondale. Or if Glenn is still in the race, say you voted for him.
'When they ask you why you voted for Hart, say it is because he is so mature and serious that he reminds you of your grandfather.
'Or say you voted for Mondale because he reminds you of Johnny Travolta.'
Royko predicted the pollsters will 'take your answers and feed them into a computer, which will chew on them, digest them and finally burp a sheet of paper. The networks' high priests of politics will stare at the numbers, then announce: 'I project the winner as ...''
But he said if enough voters lie, 'The entire nation will be treated to one of the finest evenings of television viewing since the tube was unleashed.
'As the evening wears on and the actual votes are counted, we will see Dan become more and more wild-eyed. We'll see Peter hyperventilating. And even Davie will look like he is fully awake. And they'll all be stammering about how 'goodness, something seems to have gone wrong.'
'Or maybe they'll scream that the votes should be thrown out on the grounds that they disagree with the exit polls.'
