Scott's World -- UPI Arts & Entertainment

HOLLYWOOD, Feb. 14 (UPI) -- Only one show business awards program has been discontinued in the memory of any living human being or press agent.

There exist movie awards, TV awards, music and recording awards, theatrical awards, even awards for publicists (not broadcast) -- all honoring people for outstanding performances.

They are likely to continue for millennia unless or until they prove unprofitable or the public finally grows sick and tired of them.

Fallen by the wayside, unlamented by all but a few in Hollywood and elsewhere, is the P.A.T.S.Y. -- Performing Animal Top Star of the Year awards.

Surely you recall the PATSYs?.

They were bestowed annually from 1951 to 1986, inexplicably excepting the years 1979-1982. Perhaps there was a paucity of candidates among hoofed, beaked, clawed and fanged performers in those barren years.

Nonetheless, there was glory aplenty for the dumb but willing talent pool of four-legged actors and actresses, not to forget two-legged fowl and the occasional serpent.

Horses generally found themselves among PATSY winners, aided enormously by the popularity of TV and movie horse operas.

In fact the first PATSY winners in 1951 were equines nearly across the board, if Francis The Mule may be considered an equine.

In that debut year of the American Humane Association's cherished award, first place went to Francis, who co-starred with Donald O'Connor in the feature film "Francis" and many sequels.

O'Connor didn't win a supporting award, disqualified because human beings were not eligible for PATSYs.

Second place went to California, the horse in "Palomino." Third place was given to Pierre, a chimpanzee in "My Friend Irma Goes West."

The Craven Award was given a falling horse named Jerry Brown (after a California governor).

Awards of excellence were conferred on Flame, a pooch in the TV series "My Pal" and Lassie for her movie "Challenge to Lassie."

It should be noted the PATSYs were more open-minded than human awards.

Lassie accumulated several PATSYs in the early years despite the fact it was an open secret that more than one collie played the role. Moreover, Lassie was really a male dog posing as a bitch, presenting an unusual challenge to cinematographers.

Eventually the lovable collie was not entered in competition for the sake of lending suspense to the awards.

What if that had been imposed on Katharine Hepburn after she won her fourth Oscar?

The PATSY's second-year winner was a cat named Rhubarb for its performance in the RKO film "Rhubarb."

Cats may outnumber dogs in America but they won far fewer PATSYs, possibly because they are so infernally independent.

However, a Siamese feline named Piewacket won the PATSY for "Bell, Book and Candle" in 1959; probably for stealing scenes from Kim Novak, a difficult feat.

If you count wild animals, Jackie the lion would qualify as a cat. He won in 1953 for MGM's "Fearless Fagan."

Probably the most unusual winner was Samantha, a goose, in "Friendly Persuasion" in 1957 although some critics felt Silver, the horse in "The Lone Ranger" was mulcted from the prize.

Folks at the American Humane Society are working to revitalize the PATSY awards, not so much for the greater glory of individual animal actors as to promote safety measures and humane treatment of all animals working in the entertainment media.

There have been abuses over the years when communications broke down between directors and an inattentive rattle snake or lethargic turkey.

Many incidents have been recorded that suggest animal trainers become impatient with recalcitrant members of other species.

One such involved the trainers of Clyde, a scene-stealing orangutan in Clint Eastwood's film "Any Which Way You Can."

Clyde persisted in guzzling a canned soft drink to interrupt a key scene, necessitating many retakes until the trainers led Clyde into a shed adjacent to the set.

There followed a loud BONK, accompanied by a primate shriek equivalent of a human "OUCH!" Thereafter Clyde emerged rubbing the top of his head, with a trainer holding a broken length of two-by-four.

Had a Humane Society representative been present, the film would never have received the organization's "Acceptable" screen credit.

For what it's worth, when the interrupted scene was resumed Clyde didn't touch the soft drink can.

Try to imagine a member of the crew attempting that tactic on Eastwood.

It's such incidents the Humane Association is trying to end.

AHA not only inspects facilities where animals are housed and cared for during production, but also examines props and sets to ensure the well-being of each animal remains the top priority.

Trained animals are being used more often these days than been since the heyday of Westerns, including the zillions of Dalmatians used in Disney movies.

Continued AHA progress may revive the dormant PATSYs to enliven TV yet again -- happily without thank-you speeches.