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I've got to crow!

By DORREE LYNN, A UPI Outside View commentary

WASHINGTON, May 4 (UPI) -- Self-promotion can be OK.

You may not remember the fabulous Mary Martin flying across the stage as Peter Pan singing "I've Got to Crow" in the Broadway play and movie Peter Pan, but I do.

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I recently had occasion to think of that memorable, joyful scene while leading a women's group. One after another, the women talked about how they hated to speak up about their accomplishments and how they thought it unseemly and inappropriate female behavior. I felt as if I had time traveled back to the 50s, pre-Women's Lib and pre-ever popular self-promotional magazines such as People, Self and the now defunct Talk.

"Ladies," I queried, "what is the difference between appropriate glee in your own accomplishments, self promotion and outrageous and possibly unflattering bragging?" Silence, inarticulate confusion, and blank stares filled the room. "OK," I said. "Let's look around us. What's really wrong with getting a pat on the back and how are you going to get it unless you let people know about those events, experiences and accomplishments that you have had or done?"

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We started to talk and even to laugh. True, few people like braggadocio behavior, but how few of us, especially women, let the world know the accomplishments we are truly proud of. And if we don't speak out loud, who will?

Self-assertion takes some practice and yes, there is a place for it. It is perfectly appropriate to share one's joy in something well done and it is absolutely appropriate, to also thank those who have helped in the effort. A generous kudo given to those who have helped along the way makes everyone smile.

Guys, who grow up playing sports, slap each other on the back as a matter of course. On the whole, women don't.

The more experience I have, the more convinced I am that women and men are very different creatures and that each should extol their abilities in their unique and different ways. But this is one place; women can learn something from men. Ladies, it's OK to tell yourself and others, just how good you are.

Since most women are in fact physically smaller than men, a hearty slap may hurt, but a solid pat on the back can do wonders for your own self-esteem, plus it gives those who care for you a chance to share your joy. Unfortunately, we forget, few people are psychics and most people need to be told about your joys and accomplishments, the places that make you feel good about yourself and give you a sense of self-worth.

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Yes, there will always be a few jealous souls to contend with. But, those who care for you will delight with you--and those are the people who count.

* Dorree Lynn, Ph. D. is a Washington-area therapist and the host of On the Couch, a national radio program.

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