Florida man tells police his genitals are too small for indecent exposure charge

Man tells deputies, "It is too small for anyone to see it anyway."
By Evan Bleier  |  Nov. 14, 2013 at 2:08 PM
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Nov. 14 (UPI) -- After a Florida man was arrested on Friday for walking around his North Fort Myers neighborhood in a poncho with nothing underneath, it didn’t take him long to come up with a reason why he shouldn’t be charged with indecent exposure -- Stephen Van Alphen simply offered to show his genitals to deputies and said, "It is too small for anyone to see it anyway."

He was charged with indecent exposure and resisting officers.

Van Alphen, 46, had previously accidentally exposed himself while doing a "ninja move" in front of a young boy. “He told the cops that he did a cartwheel and his pants fall down," said neighbor Hunter Biggs, 6.

"I just I don't like the fact that he's drinking and walking in the neighborhood with no clothes on. My six-year-old has seen him in the window," said neighbor Cheryl Biggs.

Van Alphen's roommate said he’d been drinking heavily for three days before leaving home in what he told deputies was his "Clint Eastwood poncho."

Prior to being arrested, Van Alphen ignored officers’ requests to stop and walked into his house. "I don't care if you shoot me, I'm sitting on my couch," he said. Deputies reported that they spotted a gallon jug of vodka on the coffee table.

After he was released, Van Alphen was asked whether he told police he couldn’t be charged with indecent exposure because his genitals were too small. Van Alphen responded: “I have a weird sense of humor.”

He was also asked about the poncho. “I was playing cowboys and Indians in the house all by myself,” he said. Unfortunately, he went outside. “I was the naked redskin and the poncho-ed cowboy at the same time.”

[NBC 2]

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