Viral ad seeks assistant for couple and 'high-maintenance' dog

By Ben Hooper  |  Aug. 10, 2017 at 10:15 AM
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Aug. 10 (UPI) -- A Craigslist post that rapidly went viral is seeking applicants to act as a "personal assistant" to a needy professional couple and their high-maintenance dog.

The job posting on the San Francisco Bay Area Craigslist page seeks a "personal assistant" for the couple, who describe themselves as "executives" in the biotech field.

The ad also specifies said assistant "must love dogs" and should be familiar with martial arts, a strong swimmer in the ocean, have experience negotiating contracts, enjoy giving manicures and pedicures, and consume no more than five alcoholic drinks a week.

"We're two 40-something executives living in the city with a sweet medium-sized dog. Work is crazier than ever which means that we don't have time to maintain our personal lives. We've finally accepted that we need a full-time (or part-time) personal assistant," the ad states.

The author of the post goes on in stream-of-consciousness style to describe "the problem" with the couple's lives, including such issues as unhealthy eating, poor sleep patterns, the canine's need for a playmate, fresh flowers in need of maintaining, personal social media accounts that need updating, and dishes that need cleaned.

"Picture frames hang on the wall with no photos inside, the closet is in need of reorganization, appointments aren't scheduled, information isn't updated, nail polish gets chipped and remains chipped, investment opportunities go un-researched, and that crucial 'date night' consists of collapsing onto the sofa and watching a movie because we're so exhausted from the work week," the post says.

The couple said their ideal candidate would "smile" rather than "cringe" at the laundry list of the pair's needs. The post says candidates should be "chill" but remain drug-free, not be heavy drinkers, and empathetic without being overly emotional.

The skills required for the job include typing at least 60 words per minute, experience driving in the San Francisco area, prior experience as a dog owner, and ability to swim well in the ocean, as the dog has a tendency to get disoriented while swimming.

The couple wrote "Bonus Points" will be awarded to applicants who are multilingual, have experience with "high-maintenance" dogs, enjoy lifting weights and keep up to date on HBO shows Game of Thrones and/or Silicon Valley.

The post says applicants should submit an email application with "[INSERT YOUR FULL NAME] + [INSERT YOUR WORST QUALITY]" in the subject line, as well as a short video explaining qualifications and four photos from the applicant's social media accounts.

The ad quickly went viral in only a few hours, with social media users pointing out it appears the couple are more in need of a "mom" than a personal assistant.

"Folks, FOLKS, I think I have found the most bananapants job ad of all time," @olliegrace tweeted.

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