Lactose-intolerant Starbucks customer's toilet rant goes viral

"I order soy milk so that my bottom doesn't blast fire for 4 hours. I'm not a Charmander."
By Ben Hooper Contact the Author   |  June 28, 2017 at 1:50 PM
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June 28 (UPI) -- A lactose-intolerant New York man became a viral star from the toilet when he posted a rant about Starbucks giving him dairy milk instead of soy.

Demit Strato said in a Facebook post Monday he stopped into Starbucks for a venti iced coffee with soy milk, and his day took a turn for the worse when he discovered the baristas had instead put dairy milk into his beverage.

The post, which Strato directed toward Starbucks' official Facebook page, reads:

"This is the second time I ordered a Venti Iced Coffe with Soy Milk this month where the Soy Milk request was ignored and regular milk was instead used. I've pooped 11 times since the A.M. My bottom hurts from all the wiping. Do you think I enjoy soy milk? Does anyone enjoy soy milk? Really? I don't order soy mill because I'm bored and want my drink order to sound fancy. I order soy milk so that my bottom doesn't blast fire for 4 hours. I'm not a Charmander. Thank you for listening to my rant. P.S. I'm writing this from the comfort OF MY TOILET."

Strato said this month isn't the first time that botched coffee orders have led to excessive bathroom time.

"I've been going to coffee shops for a decade and it's happened more times than I can count," he told Buzzfeed News.

He said the post going viral was an "awesome surprise."

"You'd be really surprised by how many women are trying to go out on a date after this, too," he said.

Strato said the post's attention earned him some lactose-free energy bars from Verb and a promise of a package from bathroom scent company Poo-Pourri.

He said Starbucks sent him a $50 gift card for his troubles.

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