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Zoo offers roach, scorpion adoptions for scorned lovers

The zoo is offering cuter adoption alternatives for those whose love-lives have yet to turn sour.

By
Ben Hooper
Madagascar hissing cockroaches. Photo by Sleepy Weasel Entertainment/Shutterstock
Madagascar hissing cockroaches. Photo by Sleepy Weasel Entertainment/Shutterstock

SAN FRANCISCO, Jan. 26 (UPI) -- The San Francisco Zoo is bringing Valentine's Day cheer to scorned ex-lovers by allowing them to adopt cockroaches and scorpions in the names of their exes.

"This Valentine's Day, if you care enough to send the very best, you'll choose our charming Madagascar Hissing Cockroach package," the zoo said on its website.

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The zoo suggested the adoption package for the hissing cockroach, which grows to a size of 2-4 inches long and is believed to be the only hissing insect, is the perfect way to show "your favorite ex" that you have "moved on" with your life.

The zoo also suggested jilted lovers consider adopting a giant hairy scorpion in the name of a "low-life ex."

"So the latest affair didn't work out and given your ex's record-breaking ability to move on, you suspect foul play. Well, nothing soothes the sting like the adoption of a giant hairy scorpion in honor of your former beloved. It's no surprise, these invertebrates are aggressive, active, and alarmingly nocturnal.

"Much like your low-life ex, they are usually found in and around low-elevation valleys where they dig elaborate burrows or 'caves.' Also just like you-know-who, when a suitable victim wanders by, the scorpion grabs the doomed creature with its pinchers and stings the prey. After the prey is immobilized, the scorpion tears the carcass apart with its pinchers and begins feeding. Charming.

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"Your Adopt-a-Giant Hairy Scorpion donation will be used to support these mysterious invertebrates and further the San Francisco Zoological Society's mission to connect people to wildlife, inspire caring for nature, and advance conservation action. We can't make any promises, but urban legend says that the gift of a scorpion adoption serves as permanent protection against future romantic stings. Let the healing begin."

For those whose romantic lives have yet to go horribly wrong, the zoo is offering adoption packages for cuter animals including snow leopards, penguins and lemurs.

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