Don't try this at home -- or elsewhere!

Ever wonder why your kid is in therapy?

Well, don't try this in St. Paul, Minn.: Inappropriately fondling the breasts of your 8-year old son's psychologist.

Allegedly, Brent Todd Friest, 39, a pig farmer from Radcliffe, Iowa, when his son was out of the room followed through on the old gag, "I bet you a dollar I can play with your boobs without touching them."

He then fondled the woman and handed her a dollar.

He also admitted to the prank in the presence of the police, the St. Paul Pioneer Press reported.

He was charged with fifth-degree criminal sexual assault, the newspaper said.

Care for a tattoo? Could be. But what would be an unwise tattoo to get if you happened to be on probation for armed robbery?

Try a tattoo of a pig dressed in a police uniform being shot in the head -- that is, try that if you want to be arrested for making a terrorist threat.

The Pioneer Press reported Antonio Jenkins Jr. posted a picture of his violent, new, right bicep tattoo on Facebook and police were not amused.

"It's pretty crude and pretty direct," said Hennepin County Attorney Mike Freeman.

To make matters worse, the pig is depicted in the uniform of a local police officer, the newspaper said.

Speaking of poor relations with the police, a man in Texas said he received a text message in the middle of the night from the burglar alarm at his business. He then went online and watched a live feed of someone trying to break into his business, DFW Wholesale Security.

Make that SDR Wholesale Security with SDR standing for Sold Down the River.

The Forth Worth (Texas) Star-Telegram reported that the 911 dispatcher, according to the business owner, refused to send a squad car to the scene because he had not paid a $50 annual fee.

"The dispatcher said, 'No, we can't send. We can't dispatch to that.' I told them someone was there at that moment committing a crime and they still said 'no," said Leroy Reber.

Reber also said the would-be burglar never got into his store, but did $10,000 worth of damage to the property with his van, which was repeatedly backed into a corner of the building.

And don't try this at home: Hiding your money in a couch.

In Konotop, Ukraine, RIA Novosti reported, a 9-year-old boy found his parents savings hidden in a couch and spent the entire $4,000 on candy in a matter of days.

The boy took $4,300 in U.S. dollars and $635 worth of euros and had them converted to local currency -- the Ukraine hryvnas -- with the help of an adult acquaintance, reportedly a man with a mental illness.

The adult accomplice was always given a tip for helping the lad with his larceny, RIA Novosti said.