Watercooler Stories

July 18, 2012 at 6:30 AM
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Man uses obituary to confess

SALT LAKE CITY, July 18 (UPI) -- A Salt Lake City man who wrote his own obituary took the opportunity to confess to theft, vandalism and lying about earning a Ph.D.

Val Patterson, who died last week at the age of 59, authored his own obituary when he was diagnosed with throat cancer in the fall and confessed to his youthful indiscretions, KSL-TV, Salt Lake City, reported Tuesday.

"As it turns out, I AM the guy who stole the safe from the Motor View Drive Inn back in June, 1971. I could have left that unsaid, but I wanted to get it off my chest," Patterson wrote.

Patterson revealed other details of his mischief, including obtaining lifetime bans from Disneyland and SeaWorld San Diego.

"Now to that really mean Park Ranger; after all, it was me that rolled those rocks into your geyser and ruined it. I did notice a few years later that you did get Old Faithful working again," he wrote.

Patterson admitted the Ph.D. he received from the University of Utah was unearned and sent to him by mistake.

Patterson's wife confirmed the claims in his obituary.

"Now, to make it worse, I have robbed my beloved Mary Jane of a decade or more of the two of us growing old together," Patterson wrote.

Panhandler seeks money for boob job

AKRON, Ohio, July 18 (UPI) -- An Ohio woman has been leaning against a motorcycle in her bikini on a daily basis while panhandling for funds to purchase a breast enhancement surgery.

Chrissy Lance, 37, of Rittman, a single mom and University of Akron student, said she is begging for money for the surgery in an attempt to boost her chest as well as her self-esteem, the Akron (Ohio) Beacon Journal reported Tuesday.

Lance, who displays her panhandling license on her boot while begging for cash, holds a sign reading, "Not homeless, need boobs."

Lance's quest has landed her in media outlets including the New York Daily News, TV stations across the country, British tabloids and Web sites in India, the Netherlands and Rwanda.

Some residents said they were not amused by Lance's project.

"Someone should tell her to get a job and work to earn enough money for her boob job. I don't see panhandlers sitting on the corner asking for money for a heart transplant," Mary Olesky said.

YouTube prankers charged with bomb hoax

DELRAY BEACH, Fla., July 18 (UPI) -- The Florida duo behind a popular zombie prank YouTube video were arrested and are facing charges following their latest prank.

Jonathan Vanegas, 20, and Vitaly Zdorovetskiy, 20, both of Delray Beach, whose "Miami Zombie Attack Prank!" video was featured on Comedy Central's Tosh.0, said they were filming a new prank Friday outside a Publix market in Boca Raton when they ran into trouble, the South Florida Sun Sentinel reported Tuesday.

The prank involved Vanegas running the camera when Zdorovetskiy, dressed in a suit, set down a briefcase and told a man emerging from the market that they had only 60 seconds to get away from the briefcase.

The men ran from the briefcase and the prank took a wrong turn when Zdorovetskiy told the man about the hoax and the camera, leading him to attack the pranksters.

"He attacked me, my camera guy, he threw me on the floor, he threw my camera guy on the floor," Zdorovetskiy said. "I was just screaming back 'Sorry, I apologize.'"

Police soon arrived at the store.

"The bomb squad came. Can you believe that?" Zdorovetskiy said. "The bomb squad came for this prank. It's unbelievable how law is these days."

Both men are facing felony bomb hoax charges.

German court refuses divorce

MUNICH, Germany, July 18 (UPI) -- A Munich court is denying a divorce for a woman tricked into marriage, saying because she was never legally married, she cannot be legally divorced.

Anna K., 31, has been fighting for a divorce from Kulwinder S. since 2008, The Local reported.

Anna contacted a marriage broker that year looking to settle down and was set up with Kulwinder -- a 20-year-old Indian man waiting tables in Munich. She told the broker she was uninterested, saying he was "too lanky."

She received a shocking letter weeks later -- a marriage license from the Banja Luka civil registry office in Bosnia Herzegovinia, bearing her name and his.

Bosnia does not require both parties to be present to sign a marriage license.

Anna's work timesheet proves she wasn't in Bosnia to sign it, and Kulwinder claims to have sent a notarized agreement from India. Investigators have yet to determine who signed both of their names.

A Munich family court maintains the marriage certificate is valid even if the signatures are not, and thus refuses to annul the marriage. It also refuses to grant a divorce on the grounds they were never legally married.

Kulwinder is currently under investigation for allegedly violating immigration laws.

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