Culture Vulture: O tempora! O mores

WASHINGTON, Sept. 23 (UPI) -- "O tempora! O mores!" lamented Cicero -- the times! The customs! Or, to quote Bob Dylan, "The times, they are a-changin."

The 1960s, as we all know, were turbulent times, with the war raging in Vietnam, students revolting around the world, race riots spreading across parts of the United States, and the Hippie revolution advocating free love and mind-bending drugs.

Yet, looking back to those psychedelic days, the world's geopolitical situation seems far tamer when compared to today's harsher realities of potential biochemical terrorist loonies lurking in the dark corners of the planet waiting for a chance to strike, while arrogant dictators seek to join the exclusive nuclear club.

As we have already seen with those three unlucky U.S. citizens of Mideastern origin -- doctors headed for residency training -- from the Georgia diner, we should never let our guard down.

Take the case of Trini Lopez, a popular Latin-American singer who found fame in the mid-1960s, singing mostly (or only) in English. Lopez has largely dropped out of the music scene, but a Web site dedicated to him relates that as recently as April 2002, he was inducted into the Las Vegas Casino Legends Hall of Fame.

But had Trini still been active today (as he was in the 1960s), there are good chances that some alert waitress in a greasy-spoon idling away in a remote back woods in some lazy Southern state, would denounce him to the FBI as a potential terrorist.

Consider the lyrics to one of his most famous songs, written by Lee Hays and Pete Seeger, "If I Had a Hammer," which hit the top of the charts -- much like a hammer -- making its way to No. 1 in 25 countries.

Just listen to those "subversive" words:

If I had a hammer,

I'd hammer in the morning

I'd hammer in the evening ... all over this land,

I'd hammer out danger

I'd hammer out a warning

I'd hammer out love between all of my brothers and my sisters

All over this land.

Today, he would be pulled over a few miles from a toll plaza by the Florida Everglades, and a posse of some 20 sheriffs, 15 U.S. Marshals and several dozen government agents from eight different law enforcement agencies would grill Trini, now handcuffed in the back of a police trailer, after closing traffic on the busy Interstate for the good part of a day.

First government agent: "Mr. Lopez, if that is your real name, why do you want a hammer?"

Trini: "Yes, my name is Trinidad Lopez III, I am known as Trini, and I am an entertainer. I love America. I even sang a song called 'Kansas City.' More recently, I even sang 'America.'"

Second government agent: "So, you admit to be using an alias?"

Trini: "No, it's not an alias, it's a diminutive of my real name."

Third government agent: "Mr. Lopez, what is this 'danger' you keep referring to, and what about this 'warning' you are talking about? A witness tells us you mentioned each of those words at least three times. Now tell us what you know, cooperate with us, and we will go easy on you."

Trini: "Gentlemen, I am an entertainer, this is only a song I was singing. In my haste, I guess I didn't leave enough of a tip and the waitress got upset. I was in a good mood. I was singing one of my famous songs. It was on the top of the charts for 11 weeks in 1963. I made a lot of money from it. I love America."

Fourth government agent: "A likely story. You said, and I quote, 'all over this land.' What about this land? What is likely to happen? And when? And where? Speak up, man. We can take our time. Are you speaking in code? Is 'hammer' really a code word for something else? Where you alluding to some greater danger?"

Trini: "Senores, it seems you refuse to believe me, so can I call my lawyer now?"

First government agent: "Aha! So now you admit your guilt! Are you some sort of a communist agitator, or an Islamist fundamentalist? You talk about 'love between brothers and sisters.' Are you some sort of degenerate sicko, advocating free sex among siblings?"

Trini: "I will not say another word until I speak to my attorney. I know my rights."

Sheriff's spokesman, addressing the battalion of journalists, press photographers and television people gathered a few hundred yards from the "scene of the crime: "The suspect, a Latino American identified as one Trini Lopez -- we don't even know if that is his real name yet -- is refusing to cooperate. He made some terrorist statements about, and I quote, hammering danger and warnings, all over this land, unquote.

Eighteen hours after the standoff -- that was broadcast non-stop live on several news television stations -- Mr. Lopez (and it was his real name) would be released. The government would apologize for its mistakes, and the song, "If I Had a Hammer," would make it to the top of the charts -- once again.

(The Culture Vulture is a column written by UPI's Life & Mind editor, and reflects on current trends, issues and events. Comments may be sent to [email protected].)