Jockstrip: The World As We Know It

THE RAZZIES 'FINGERED' TOM GREEN

The widely reviled "Freddy Got Fingered" received the Golden Raspberry Award Foundation seal of disapproval Saturday -- gathering five "Razzies," including one for worst picture of 2001.

Tom Green -- the MTV personality often referred to as a "comedian" -- personally accounted for four of his picture's "wins" at the 22nd Annual Golden Raspberry Awards. He was voted worst director and actor, worst screen couple -- with "any animal he abuses" in the picture -- and shared worst screenplay "honors" with Derek Harvie.

Mariah Carey was voted worst actress for her performance in "Glitter."

Charlton Heston and Estella Warren were named worst supporting actor and actress. Heston was singled out for three performances -- "Cats and Dogs," "Planet of the Apes" and "Town & Country." Warren was dishonored for her work in "Planet of the Apes," and for her role in "Driven."

"Freddy Got Fingered" went into this year's race to the bottom with eight nominations, more than any other picture.

Sylvester Stallone's latest commercial comeback movie, "Driven," had seven -- including worst picture, worst supporting actor (Stallone and Burt Reynolds), worst director (Renny Harlin), screenplay (Stallone) and screen couple (Reynolds and Stallone) -- but only managed one award, Warren's worst supporting actress trophy.

Green's four nominations tied him with Stallone for the single-year record, but Stallone still holds the career record with 29 nominations and nine Razzie Awards.

The awards -- a parody of the Academy Awards -- were presented at the Abracadabra Theatre in Santa Monica, Calif.

THINGS WE DON'T UNDERSTAND

A Catholic priest who molested eight teenage boys while assigned to a Cleveland parish hopes to start a movement of abusive priests who will speak out about their illness in an effort to stop others.

"I am challenging these men to come out in the open with me," Father Neil Conway told Newsweek magazine. "I want to say, 'Let the discussion begin'."

The 65-year-old Conway -- who is retired but not defrocked despite his behavior -- abused the boys between 1968 and 1985. He spent a year at St. Luke Institute in Suitland, Md., the same church-sponsored sex-offender treatment program attended by Father John J. Geoghan, the Boston cleric accused of molesting 130 boys.

When he was free to leave, Conway moved to a cabin in rural Ohio. He regularly attends 12-step meetings for alcoholism and sexual compulsion.

Conway said he claimed "full responsibility" for his actions and hopes this will "make up for this terrible thing" he did.

NEWS OF OTHER LIFE FORMS

A crime wave in the Indian town of Shimogo has combined with a population explosion among tigers in the nearby Tavarekoppa animal sanctuary to produce a new and feline form of guard dog.

The Patrike newspaper quotes a senior Forest Department official as saying, "With every tiger giving birth to nine cubs, maintenance was becoming a hitch, before we thought of this."

Crime is way down and the townsfolk happy, but the police are nervous. "Let's see what happens after the tigers taste blood, before we get carried away and brand this a success," a police spokesman said.

(From UPI Hears)

TODAY'S SIGN THE WORLD IS ENDING

Sylvester Stallone's latest flick, "Driven," did not win the Golden Raspberry Award for worst picture of 2001. But Stallone still reigns as the Razzie king -- with 29 nominations and nine awards.

AND FINALLY, TODAY'S UPLIFTING STORY

The monthly Key West Celebrity Series in Florida needs stars. In fact, any national singing star willing to sing just two songs during the monthly show will receive a free hotel suite, airfare, and a fee to appear -- for what will likely be only about 10 minutes on stage.

Each month, Las Vegas star Brian Evans performs a show in Key West, Fla., where he lives. On March 10, that special guest was Wayne Newton. In April, it's Bruce Springsteen's sax player Clarence Clemons.

"This is part of a push to bring national talent to a neglected island that is known for its beach and getaway reputation. People who live in Key West don't travel to Miami for the most part, and we don't have a venue big enough than the theater we use, which is 400 seats," said Gaston Breton for Key West Promotions. "We offer a free vacation that is first class all the way for a brief appearance built around the stars schedule."

(Web site: thecrooner.com)