Aug. 24 (UPI) -- Yolanda Hadid says she considered suicide when the pain from her Lyme disease seemed too much to bear.
The 53-year-old reality star confessed in her memoir, Believe Me: My Battle with the Invisibility of Lyme Disease, to a moment of despair during a vacation with then-husband David Foster in Florida.
"I take off my clothes and slip into the dark blue ocean, which is cool and comforting," Hadid recounted in the book, according to People.
"The waves gently wash over my naked body, and I can feel the current tugging at me," she wrote. "Tears pour out of my eyes, roll across my cheeks, and meld with the salt water as I try to still my mind to become one with the water's ebb and flow."
"God please just take me away in a wave. I can't live like this one more day. Please carry my body away. I just want to disappear," the star recalled. "My next thought is a clear image of my three children. It shifts my consciousness immediately and that's the only thing that keeps me from letting myself drift and drown."
Hadid shares 22-year-old daughter Gigi, 20-year-old daughter Bella and 18-year-old son Anwar with first husband Mohamed Hadid. She previously said in an interview with The Dr. Oz Show that her kids "kept [her] alive" after she was diagnosed with chronic Lyme disease in 2012.
"They're the ones that kept me fighting and wanting to live," the star shared. "There were many days that I really didn't want to live anymore. But when you look at your children, it's not a choice anymore. You have to get through."
Hadid, who will release her memoir Sept. 12, moved to a farm on the East Coast this month. Bella shared a photo of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star smiling while watching the solar eclipse at her hew house Monday.
"Mama Yo on the farm ready for her new beginning! #cutest #EVER ECLIPSE," the model wrote.