David Letterman reads Donald Trump-themed Top 10 list at Steve Martin-Martin Short show

SAN ANTONIO, July 12 (UPI) -- Retired Late Show host David Letterman made a surprise appearance at Martin Short and Steve Martin's A Very Stupid Conversation comedy show in San Antonio this weekend.

"I retired and... I had no regrets. None. I was happy. I'll make actual friends. I was complacent, I was satisfied, I was content. And then a couple of days ago, Donald Trump said he was running for president," Entertainment Weekly quoted Letterman as telling the crowd at the Majestic Theatre Friday night. "I have made the biggest mistake of my life, ladies and gentlemen."

He then pulled out of his pocket a list of "Top 10 Interesting Facts About Donald Trump" and read it aloud. It went as follows --

10. That thing on his head was the gopher from Caddyshack. 9. During sex, Donald Trump calls out his own name. 8. Donald Trump looks like the guy in the lifeboat with the women and children. 7. He wants to build a wall. How about building a wall around that thing on his head? 6. Trump walked away from a moderately successful television show for some delusional B.S. Oh, no, that's me. 5. Donald Trump weighs 240 pounds, 250 with cologne. 4. Trump would like all Americans to know that thing on his head is free range. 3. If president, instead of pardoning a turkey on Thanksgiving, he plans to evict a family on Thanksgiving. For No. 3, we have a tie. It's tied with, that's not a hairdo, it's a wind advisory. 2. Donald Trump has pissed off so many Mexicans, he's starring in a new movie called No Amigos. 1. Thanks to Donald Trump, the Republican mascot is also an ass.