MAPLEWOOD, N.J. -- If you are tired of hearing about the adventures, misadventures and latest ostentatious purchases of Bill Cosby, Mike Tyson and Donald Trump, then Alan Caruba is your kind of guy.
The Maplewood, N.J., man Sunday issued his 1988 list of 'The Most Boring Celebrities of the Year,' as designated by his Boring Institute.
Inclusion on the list is based on 'massive media overexposure,' Caruba said.
Taking top honors in the sweepstakes is Cosby, who, already worth a bundle, can be counted on to make more commercials, rake in bushels of money from reruns, and write another book in 1989, Caruba said.
No. 2 on the list is mega-everything Donald Trump, who gives new meaning to the phrase 'conspicuous consumption,' Caruba said.
'This is one lifestyle we can all afford to ignore,' he said.
Heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson gets rabbit-punched from Caruba for making his fans the people most depressed over his marital sparring with television actress Robin Givens.
Givens is only a runner-up on the latest list.
Also coming in for brickbats by the media critic is Bruce Springsteen. The rock star's divorce makes him 'the Boss of bad role models,' Caruba said.
Caruba said that overexposure can be eternal: No. 5 on the list is Elvis Presley.
'Okay, let's get this straight, Elvis is dead,' he said. 'Buried. Croaked. Kicked the bucket. Pushing up daisies. Deceased.'
Geraldo Rivera comes in at No. 6 for wanting 'to be the king of trash TV,' while Cybill Shepherd is beautiful, has twins, 'and we need a vacation from her,' he said.
Talk show host David Letterman is probably 'just as dippy as Cher and Shirley MacLaine think he is,' Caruba said, while Rob Lowe may be a heartthrob, but it looks 'like he's getting dumped every week.'
Rounding out the list at No. 10 is television evangelist Jimmy Swaggart.
'The next time this guy gets near a pulpit, sirens, bells and warning lights should go off,' Caruba said.
'We had a bumper crop of boring celebrities this year,' he said. 'Runners-up included Mark Gastineau, Brigitte Nielsen, Fergie and the rest of the Royal Family and Oprah Winfrey.'
