"You're all emancipated. It's good, right?" Lincoln asks a former slave, who responds sarcastically, "I want to thank President Lincoln for everything he's done for me. Especially my new job of shoveling horse s*** into a wagon."
Cue shots of Lincoln climbing gloomily up subway steps, grabbing late-night pizza and bickering with his wife, Mary Todd, about theater tickets. You'll even get to see the late president try his hand at civil war-themed stand-up ("One thing I'm really tired of is arguing with slaveowners about slavery as if they're not just f***ing a**holes").
"SNL's" other skits included a cold open about Mayor Bloomberg's Sandy press conference and Louis C.K. as a confused FEMA representative on FOX News.
Notable deaths of 2014 [PHOTOS]
Soviets call Reagan joke 'dangerous' [ARCHIVE]