Before an audience that included Jessica Simpson, Lupita Nyong'o and Duck Dynasty star Willie Robertson, Obama kicked off his speech with a few digs at his own "stellar 2013."
"Last year was rough. Sheesh. At one point, things got so bad, the 47 percent called Mitt Romney to apologize," he quipped.
"Folks are saying, with my sagging poll numbers, my fellow Democrats don't really want me campaigning with them. And I don't think that's true, although I did notice the other day that Sasha needed a speaker at career day and she invited Bill Clinton," he said.
The president also mocked the big three cable networks, including CNN's much-maligned coverage of the missing Malaysia Airlines plane.
"I am happy to be here, even though I am a little jet-lagged from my trip to Malaysia. The lengths we have to go to get CNN coverage these days," he said. "I think they’re still searching for their table."
He also went after Fox News and the Koch brothers and took the usual swipe at John Boehner's unusual hue.
"And speaking of conservative heroes, the Koch brothers bought a table here tonight. But as usual, they used a shadowy right-wing organization as a front. Hello, Fox News," he said. "I’m just kidding. Let’s face it, Fox, you’ll miss me when I’m gone. It will be harder to convince the American people that Hillary was born in Kenya."
"These days, House Republicans give John Boehner a harder time than they give me," Obama said. "Which means orange really is the new black."
Obama wrapped up his speech with a another nod to the botched Obamacare rollout, bringing former Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius onstage to help him out with a video's technical glitch.