In a first-person account published Monday in the Monitor, the freelance journalist says about six weeks into her captivity she begged one of the insurgents not to use a knife to kill her.
"You're my brother, you're truly my brother," she said in Arabic. "Promise me you will use this gun to kill me by your own hand. I don't want that knife, I don't want the knife, use the gun," Carroll writes.
Carroll was kidnapped after gunmen killed her driver and interpreter.
During the next 82 days she was shuttled blindfolded among at least six safe houses, deprived of control over even the smallest aspect of her existence.
"At night, I'd fall asleep and be free in my dreams. Then I'd wake up, and my situation would land on me like a weight," she says.