Camp Pendleton raccoon, drunk sailor story too good to be true

SAN DIEGO, Sept. 30 (UPI) -- As they say in journalism school, if your mother says she loves you, check it out.

And so it goes with an incredible story of a U.S. Navy sailor who, leaving a local bar very intoxicated, got past his car's Breathalyzer ignition lock by using a sober raccoon as a bellows.

According to the military police report cited in numerous stories the "individual utilized the raccoon to blow into the interlock system successfully, but the raccoon became unconscious from being squeezed and was discarded on the floorboard of the vehicle. A short time later when the raccoon regained consciousness and began to attack the suspect while driving, causing the vehicle to crash into a residential fence. The vehicle came to a complete stop in an inground swimming pool. The suspect sustained numerous scratches and bite marks to the hands, face, stomach and arms."

It's too good NOT to be true, right?

Running with the "story," it appears the Telegraph newspaper in Britain was first out of the gate Wednesday morning. Followed by a CBS affiliate in Detroit and other smaller news sites elsewhere.

As Twitter user @CalkinsMark put it, "The real question is how does a DRUNK man catch a SOBER raccoon?" Much less enlisting a typically feisty animal in such shenanigans.

@ryanbroems The real question is how does a DRUNK man catch a SOBER raccoon? I'm actually quite impressed.

— A clump of cells (@CalkinsMark) September 30, 2015

What was the original source? It was an image of an alleged military police situation report posted to the image sharing site Imgur -- not the most reliable source for hard news. Careful inspection of the brief "report" reveals the faint logo of JTTOTS in the background -- the acronym stands for "Just The Tip Of The Spear," described online as a crude humor page maintained by current and retired Marines.

Despite this obvious hint on the 3-day-old image (in addition to the cited charge of "abuse of public animal"), the story quickly gained steam Wednesday. The original image on Imgur had nearly half a million views by Wednesday afternoon.

Alas, it was NOT true.

"I called police records, and while they were highly entertained, they confirmed (the story) is absolutely a hoax," 1st. Lt. Savannah Frank, a public affairs officer at Camp Pendleton, told the San Diego Union-Tribune Wednesday afternoon for their story headlined "Sailor DID NOT use raccoon to bypass Breathalyzer."

Once the raccoon was out of the bag, the Telegraph took down a tweet promoting the item, though the original story remained on their website late Wednesday afternoon with an update reading, "As stories go, it's pretty unbelievable. If it sounds too good to be true, that's because it is. A spokesman for the Camp Pendleton Marine Corps has since confirmed this story is an internet hoax."

No raccoons or sailors were harmed in the writing of this story.