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Chris Sevier's request to marry his 'porn filled' Apple computer is rejected by Florida judge

Sevier allegedly filed the suit because he is against the idea of gay marriage and is trying to make a point.
By Evan Bleier Follow @itishowitis Contact the Author   |   May 6, 2014 at 1:34 PM
| License Photo
TALLAHASSEE, Fla., May 6 (UPI) -- Chris Sevier, a Florida man who is allegedly against the idea of gay marriage, filed a motion to marry his "porn-filled Apple computer" in an attempt to intervene in a federal lawsuit challenging the state's recognition of same-sex marriages.

If gay couples "have the right to marry their object of sexual desire, even if they lack corresponding sexual parts, then I should have the right to marry my preferred sexual object,” Sevier wrote in the motion.

According to the Broward-Palm Beach New Times, Sevier submitted the 24-page document on behalf of "other minority sexual orientation groups."

“Recently, I purchased an Apple computer. The computer was sold to me without filters to block out pornography. I was not provided with any warning by Apple that pornography was highly addictive and could alter my reward cycle by the manufacturer. Over time, I began preferring sex with my computer over sex with real women. Naturally, I 'fell in love' with my computer and preferred having sex with it over all other persons or things, as a result of classic conditioning upon orgasm.”

Whether Sevier was trying to prove a political point or just be funny, United States District Judge Robert Hinkle chose to dismiss the case.

“In these consolidated actions, the plaintiffs challenge provisions of the Florida Constitution and Florida Statutes on same-sex marriage. Chris Sevier has moved to intervene, apparently asserting he wishes to marry his computer,” Hinkle wrote. “Perhaps the motion is satirical. Or perhaps it is only removed from reality. Either way, the motion has no place in this lawsuit. Mr. Sevier has alleged nothing that would support intervention.”

He can always try again with a PC…

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