The response, posted on unofficial British Army forum the Army Rumor Service, addresses the concerns raised by Maj. Gen. James Cowan in a three-page letter about what he saw as lapses in etiquette in the mess hall at Camp Bulford in Wiltshire, England, the Daily Telegraph reported Friday.
Cowan's letter expressed outrage at junior officers eating with their hands instead of utensils and chided officers for sitting next to their spouses during formal dinners and failing to stand when commanders enter the room.
The response, titled "Letter of Thanks," expresses gratitude to Cowan for his "fortitude, consideration for our welfare, and focus on the important issues."
The Army Rumor Service post explains the mess hall serves sandwiches, which are "designed for manual manipulation" and "really hard to eat ... with a knife and fork."
"Sandwiches take half the time to order and eat in the mess, so we have more time at our desks in your headquarters, in order to read more of your emails about eating sandwiches," the response reads.
The response says officers tend to sit with their spouses during formal dinners because they "actually quite like our wives."
"That is rather why we married them. Unfortunately, some of them are a bit demanding these days," the post reads. "They will tend to go on about their own career -- which, incidentally, tends to contribute a bit more to the family coffers than ours -- their concerns, and so on."
The post apologizes for officers who are unable to stand for commanders.
"Please excuse Capt. George RLC and Capt. MacDonald RE, however: the prosthetics make it a bit problematic," the response reads. "While on the subject, please be assured that Capt. Fraser RLC is not, in fact, 'giving you the finger' when saluting -- it's just that he only has the one remaining."