Don't try this at home -- or elsewhere!

• Tweet

What's the speed limit in Baltimore these days?

Apparently, that would be zero.

The Baltimore Sun reported Daniel Doty was slapped with a ticket for driving 38 mph in a 25 mph zone. But the evidence of his indiscretion produced in court was 3-second video picture of his vehicle, very obviously motionless at a red light with the brake lights shining.

The city of Baltimore did not come up with an explanation for the ticket, but the speed camera contractor said the footage underwent two reviews before being sent to police for a third review before the citation was sent out.

And in Wichita, Kan., there is a limit to all those ho-ho-hos.

We're not talking Hostess Brands. We're talking about a $274 citation given to David Hill, founder of a charity organization with a mission to feed and clothe the homeless, who got a bit caught up on the spirit of the holiday.

Hill bedecked his pickup truck with Christmas lights, hooking them up to a generator in the bed of the vehicle, KAKE-TV in Wichita reported.

The police explained it was a safety issue. But someone should warn Santa where the speed traps are in Wichita this year.

Don't try this in New York: Running up a $28,109.60 bar tab in one night and then blaming the club for continuing to serve you when you were obviously too pie-eyed to make sensible decisions.

Manhattan Supreme Court Justice Manuel Mendez ordered William Ilg to pay his tab rung up at Larry Flynt's Hustler Club, the New York Daily News reported, rejecting a suit Ilg filed charging the club with handing him a fraudulent bill.

Wherever you are, don't answer the hot iron. It's not for you.

In Elblag, Poland, which might be the birthplace of the Polish joke, Tomaz Paczkowski, 32, said he was distracted by a boxing event on television, when the phone rang and, not looking at what he was doing, he picked up a hot iron and pressed it to the side of his head.

The Daily Telegraph reported this double jeopardy incident, as Paczkowski said, "I was really getting involved in the boxing and was not really thinking about what I was doing. Suddenly the phone rang and I mucked things up: Instead of grabbing the receiver I picked up the iron and put it to my ear."

Once that was done, he said he ran for the bathroom to pour cold water on his head, but he missed the door and ran into the door frame.