Val Patterson, who died last week at the age of 59, authored his own obituary when he was diagnosed with throat cancer in the fall and confessed to his youthful indiscretions, KSL-TV, Salt Lake City, reported Tuesday.
"As it turns out, I AM the guy who stole the safe from the Motor View Drive Inn back in June, 1971. I could have left that unsaid, but I wanted to get it off my chest," Patterson wrote.
Patterson revealed other details of his mischief, including obtaining lifetime bans from Disneyland and SeaWorld San Diego.
"Now to that really mean Park Ranger; after all, it was me that rolled those rocks into your geyser and ruined it. I did notice a few years later that you did get Old Faithful working again," he wrote.
Patterson admitted the Ph.D he received from the University of Utah was unearned and sent to him by mistake.
Patterson's wife confirmed the claims in his obituary.
"Now, to make it worse, I have robbed my beloved Mary Jane of a decade or more of the two of us growing old together," Patterson wrote.