Jockstrip: The world as we know it.

Man complains flight attendant woke him

INDIANAPOLIS, April 24 (UPI) -- An Arizona man filed a complaint with police saying a flight attendant "rudely" woke him up by tapping his knee with a magazine.

Kevin Johnson, 37, told Indianapolis Airport police he was sleeping on a chartered Million Air flight as it taxied to the gate Sunday morning, when the flight attendant struck him on the knee to wake him up, The Indianapolis Star reported Monday.

Johnson said he was "rudely interrupted" by the flight attendant, whom he could not identify.

Officer Ricky Seconds wrote in the police report that Johnson "had no physical signs of injury, no complaint of pain and no paralysis from the magazine."

Tsunami soccer ball going back to Japan

ANCHORAGE, Alaska, April 24 (UPI) -- A soccer ball apparently swept across the Pacific Ocean after Japan's earthquake-triggered tsunami will be sent back to its owner, its finder says.

The ball's owner is Misaki Murakami, a 16-year-old whose home in Rikuzentakata, Iwate prefecture, was wiped out by the tsunami, Kyodo News reported Monday. Murakami was given the ball in March 2005 by elementary school students who had written messages of encouragement on it.

"We're very happy that the owner of the ball is safe. We want to return the ball as soon as possible," said the finder, David Baxter, 51, of Middleton Island, Alaska.

The Baxters said they hope to hand over the ball to Murakami when they travel to Japan next month, Kyodo said.

"I have no doubt that it is mine," Murakami said of the ball given to him by his third-grade classmates at Osabe Elementary School before he transferred to another school. "To be honest, I'm surprised. I want to thank the person who found it, as none of my sentimental items have been found."

Cow breaks record for producing most milk

EMBRUN, Ontario, April 24 (UPI) -- Smurf, a cow on a dairy farm near Ottawa, has broken the Guinness World Record for most milk produced in a lifetime, its owners said.

The 15-year-old Holstein has produced more than 57,000 gallons of milk - and is still producing -- at a farm in Embrun, Ont., the Ottawa Citizen reported Monday. That works out to more than enough milk for an 8-ounce glass for every person in Ottawa.

"For us, it's kind of like winning the Stanley Cup," says Eric Patenaude, a sixth-generation dairy man who works at the farm.

Eric Patenaude said good health is the key to Smurf's lactating success. Smurf will deliver her 11th calf in May and she's never developed any lactation, fertility or foot trouble like other cows her age.

"She's a trouble-free cow," Eric Patenaude said.

Louis Patenaude, Eric's uncle, said when most cows reach the end of their lactation life cycle, they're shipped out to be butchered, but not Smurf.

"They end up being ground meat, sausage and baloney and whatever cuts of meat they do with older beef," Louis said. "When she dies, she'll be buried on our farm."

Sausage maker shows origins to customers

BERLIN, April 24 (UPI) -- A Berlin sausage seller said he is offering his customers the chance to get to know online the animals they eat as a way of encouraging conscious food choices.

Dennis Buchmann, who began his "My Little Farm" project in November, said visitors to his Web site can get to know the pigs on his colleague Bernd Schulz's farm before purchasing the sausage Buchmann makes from their meat, Deutche Welle reported Monday.

Buchmann said he loves to eat meat but prefers to know the animals had decent lives before ending up on his plate. He said he hopes his project will inspire people to eat meat consciously.

"Imagine you are a pig and you have this wonderfully big nose that's been genetically programmed to dig around in the ground all day long," he said. "But imagine you are standing on some concrete floor all the time, never able to use your nose in the way you should. It's very sad."