Watercooler Stories

Resolution gives rights to sperm

WILMINGTON, Del., March 4 (UPI) -- Human sperm would have equal protection under the law under a resolution passed by the Wilmington, Del., City Council last week, its sponsor said.

The resolution would confer the "rights of personhood" on every human sperm and would forbid men from destroying their semen, the Philadelphia Inquirer reported Sunday.

The resolution, passed on a 8-4 vote Thursday, said, "Laws should be enacted by all legislative bodies in the United States to promote equal representation, and should potentially include laws in defense of 'personhood,' forbidding every man from destroying his semen."

Loretta Walsh, the Wilmington councilwoman who introduced the resolution, last month protested a Virginia bill that would require women to have an intrusive trans-vaginal ultrasound before having an abortion, the Wilmington News Journal reported. Her resolution was a "tongue-in-cheek" way of focusing attention on what she said was "the absurdity of men making health decisions for women."

"What's good for the gander is good for the goose," Walsh said

Councilman Paul F. Ignudo Jr., who voted against the measure, said he didn't think it was appropriate for the council to send a "sarcastic, snarky and tongue-in-cheek" resolution to lawmakers.

Woman found Prince Albert in lots of cans

STEVENS POINT, Wis., March 4 (UPI) -- A woman says she really did find Prince Albert in a can while she and her boyfriend were repairing the dining room wall of her Stevens Point, Wis., home.

Jenn Lang found 88 cans of Prince Albert tobacco, all unopened and all with tax stamps from 1918, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reported Saturday.

Lang said she and her boyfriend, Shane Varga, were repairing the wall when her boyfriend spied something red and metallic in the insulation.

"They were stacked from about the middle of the wall all the way down to the floor. I don't think there would have been a way for the owner to get at the cans unless they broke the plaster and removed the laths," Lang said.

The Journal Sentinel said a call to the previous owner indicated she and her husband found lots of tobacco tins in the kitchen and dining room. But how the tins got behind the wall was a mystery.

Lang said she'll try to sell most of the containers, but "I will probably keep some of the tins and I'll hear, 'Do you have Prince Albert in a can?' jokes for the rest of my life."

2 teachers suspended for barking at girl

WARREN, Ohio, March 3 (UPI) -- Two middle-school teachers in Ohio have been suspended for barking at a student who allegedly barked at another teacher.

Meghan Montgomery told WFMJ-TV in Youngstown she disciplined her daughter after school officials in Warren told her her daughter had misbehaved in a music class. But she said two teachers who were not involved in the initial incident didn't let the matter drop.

"The teachers had the whole classroom barking at her and calling her a dog and taunting her and just being mean to her," Montgomery said.

Annette Constantino, who has been teaching in Warren for 11 years, was given a two-day suspension and Judith Brown, a 16-year veteran, got five days. Montgomery called the penalties "a slap on the wrist."

"The two teachers called me and tried to justify themselves," Montgomery said. "Ms. Constantino said that she was trying to let Marissa know how it felt."

The suspensions begin Monday.

"The school has adopted a zero tolerance against bullying but it seems like that only applies to the students," Thomas Eldridge, Marissa's grandfather, told the TV station.

Frozen cat doing well with three legs

CHARLOTTETOWN, Prince Edward Island, March 3 (UPI) -- A cat found frozen in a driveway in eastern Canada has left a veterinary hospital in Prince Edward Island minus one leg and its tail.

The cat, now named Trooper, also underwent surgery to repair his pelvis at the Atlantic Veterinary College in Charlottetown, The Guardian of Charlottetown reported. Trooper will be in a foster home in Newfoundland while he continues its recovery.

Gwen Samms, shelter manager for the Bay St. George Society for the Care and Protection of Animals, escorted Trooper to P.E.I. She said the cat is doing well and "loves playing."

"A three-legged animal can have a great quality of life," Samms told the Canadian Broadcasting Corp. "Once he gets used to three legs there'll be no slowing him down, he'll be just fine."

The cat also has problems with bladder control because of nerve damage, but Samms said that appears to be mending.

Trooper was discovered Feb. 11 frozen to the ground in a driveway in Stephenville on the southwest coast of Newfoundland. Rescuers had to use warm water to remove the cat, which had major frostbite damage to one leg and its tail.

Veterinarians say Trooper is part Maine coon cat and about a year old.