You want super heroes with confident smiles on their faces, chests puffed out and their hair neatly combed. You want their teeth sparkling, their missions accomplished, their spandex snapping with precision.
You don't want to hear about how two clerks in a convenience store pummeled Spider-Man until he fled for his mortal life and was later tracked by police and arrested on charges of armed robbery, assault with a deadly weapon -- a samurai sword, no less -- and property damage.
Lesson learned: Don't try robbing the store down the road -- in this case in Jacksonville, N.C. -- wearing a Spider-Man mask, unless, perhaps, you're real name is Peter Parker and you are really Spider-Man.
The impersonator was Dale Foughty, the Jacksonville Daily News reported. He was jailed in lieu of $100,000 bond, after clerks at the store refused to give him money and overpowered him, in part, by cracking him on the head with a broom handle.
It was not a great week for Batman, either.
Batman this week was put on probation for six months for hanging around on a rooftop in Petoskey, Mich., in full Batman garb, carrying an assortment of weapons including chemical spray, a pair of sand-filled Sap gloves and a "baton-like striking weapon," (potentially a broom handle).
Yes, it's true: The curious among us are now Googling "Sap gloves" and, no, Bruce Wayne's fortune did not come from his parent's maple syrup business. Sap gloves are "ordinary looking" gloves, by definition, that have sand or steel sewn into pouches over the knuckles. Good for any wanna-be superheroes on your Christmas list.
The identity of the "Petoskey Batman" turned out to be Mark Wayne Williams, the Petoskey News-Review reported. He said he is part of a costumed vigilante group, but also admitted he was on the rooftop to get away from people who were chasing him.
A few seemingly harmless activities raised some hackles this week. In Raynham, Mass., don't try taking your saxophone on the school bus, a mistake made by Andrew DiMarzio, whose mother Cathy DiMarzio, said her son was told the instrument was a safety hazard,
DiMarzio said the decision demoralized her son. "He is so discouraged, he wanted to give it up and that's a crime," WCVB-TV in Boston reported she said.
Bill Lucini, owner of Lucini Bus Lines said, "I am not against the arts or anything like that, but safety comes first."
Off in another part of the world, in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, don't try taking up golf if your job falls in anyway under the jurisdiction of the Transport Minister Dinh La Thang.
Vietnam's Community Party newspaper, Sai Gon Giai Phong, reported that the minister had noticed officials lost their focus at work when their interest in golf increased.
That said, striking a blow against distracted duffers, he banned officials and directors of companies covered by his department from playing the game.