Jockstrip: The world as we know it

Loch Ness monster a protected species

EDINBURGH, Scotland, Jan. 10 (UPI) -- Documents obtained by a Scottish newspaper show that in the 1980s British civil servants debated whether the Loch Ness monster was a protected species.

The conclusion, the paper trail shows, was that a 1981 law would protect Nessie "provided she (or he) is identified by scientists whose reputation will carry weight with the British Museum," The Scotsman reported.

The debate was triggered by an inquiry from Swedish officials who were concerned about their own monster, a creature with a dog-like head and snake-like body said to live in Lake Storsjo. A deprecating letter from the British Embassy in Stockholm to the Scottish Office said the writer knew the question would be met "at first glance with gales of laughter."

Most officials argued for protection, although one, J.F. Buckle of the Department of Agriculture and Fisheries, pointed out that Nessie is not a salmon and thus not covered by a 1951 law on salmon fisheries.

The exchange ended with a friendly invitation to the Swedes to visit Scotland to look for Nessie, suggesting that drinking the local whiskey helps searchers to see the monster in the dark.

Woman rescued, arrested for DUI

SAN RAFAEL, Calif., Jan. 10 (UPI) -- A woman who drove off a coastal highway north of San Francisco early Monday was unable to pinpoint her position for rescuers.

"She just said she was on the freeway near the ocean. That pretty much covers California," California Highway Patrol Officer Gabriel Potter told CBS5.

The woman was located after a CHP helicopter using night-vision technology searched for more than an hour. She was taken to a local hospital and faces a drunken driving charge.

The woman called police on her cell phone when she went off the road but could not say exactly where she was. She kept in touch with dispatchers intermittently until she was found near Stinson Beach in Marin County across the Golden Gate Bridge from San Francisco.

Stern returns with passing gas and f-bombs

NEW YORK, Jan. 10 (UPI) -- Shock jock Howard Stern began his first broadcast on Sirius Satellite Radio Monday with a "butt trumpet" sounding the overture to "Also Sprach Zarathustra."

Then his new announcer -- George Takei, aka "Star Trek's Mr. Sulu -- introduced "the most testosterone-filled man on the planet," Radio & Records reported on its Web site.

Stern had said he would implement a no swearing rule for his morning broadcasts on the Sirius Howard 100 Channel -- but he dropped the f-bomb twice in the first hour, R&R said.

During the third hour of the show, he debunked rumors that he had recently married his girlfriend, Beth Ostrosky.

"But we're happy," Stern said. "I don't want to (expletive) it up."

Glasgow on list of trendy tourist spots

GLASGOW, Scotland, Jan. 10 (UPI) -- Glasgow, a grim industrial center long known for its tough slums and tough people, could become a hot tourist destination.

Arthur Frommer, a guru for generations of budget travelers from the United States, has put the city in his 2006 list of "interesting affordable destinations." In fact, the city is the only European destination on the list.

Frommer says Glasgow is "more cosmopolitan and modern" than Edinburgh and praises its "radiant" Victorian buildings and its nightlife and museums.

"This is a fantastic endorsement by one of the world's top travel guides," a spokeswoman for the Glasgow City Marketing Bureau gloated to The Scotsman. "People pay a lot of attention to what Frommer's has to say, so we can safely predict that this will have an impact on visitor numbers."

Other destinations on the list include Molokai, a Hawaiian island once famous as a leper colony; Belem on the Amazon River in Brazil; Tasmania; Charleston, S.C.; Goa in India; Amador County in the California Gold Country; Margarita Island off Venezuela; ancient Indian sites near Ramah, N.M.; and the Kenyan game reserves.