Jockstrip: The world as we know it

TV sends out distress signal

CORVALLIS, Ore., Oct. 19 (UPI) -- An Oregon man's new TV had "all the bells and whistles" but no one counted on one added component -- the ability to emit an international distress signal.

Chris van Rossman was surprised earlier this month when a contingent of Civil Air Patrol officials, a Corvallis police officer and a Benton County Search and Rescue deputy arrived at his apartment, the Corvallis Gazette-Times reported Tuesday.

His flat-screen Toshiba TV started sending out the international distress signal the night of Oct. 2, officials said. The signal -- usually emitted by crashed planes or sinking boats -- was picked up by an orbiting search and rescue satellite and relayed to the Air Force Rescue Coordination Center at Langley Air Force Base in Virginia.

Once van Rossman's TV was confirmed as the source of the signal, he was ordered to keep the set off or face fines of up to $10,000 per day.

Of course, van Rossman said the TV's warranty expired 16 days before the trouble started.

Since he didn't have cable and only received four channels to begin with, van Rossman told the newspaper the turn-off order was no big deal.

"I find other stuff to do," van Rossman said. "It's not too important."

Missing mob hitman turns up at prep school

MONTREAL, Oct. 19 (UPI) -- A former mob hitman -- on the lam since 1999 -- was found working as a security guard at a posh Montreal private school.

Réal Simard admitted in the 1980s to being a hitman for Canada's notorious Cotroni crime family, the Canadian Broadcasting Corp. reported. His testimony led to the conviction of Frank Cotroni for a 1981 murder.

But, Simard disappeared five years ago after he violated his parole by working and collecting welfare at the same time.

Simard assumed the identity of a dead man and held several positions in the ensuing years, including a driver for former legislator Richard Holden, Montreal police said.

He was discovered and arrested Friday working as a security guard at Collège Jean de Brébeuf, a private high school in downtown Montreal.

School officials said they ran a security check on Simard, but since he used fake identification, nothing came up.

Possible curse seen for finder of iceman

BERLIN, Oct. 19 (UPI) -- The German who made the spectacular find of a frozen prehistoric man in the Alps has gone missing himself in the same area, The Telegraph reported Tuesday.

Retired caretaker Helmut Simon, 67, failed to return from a climb on the 7,000-foot Gamskarkogel in the Austrian Alps Friday evening.

A 100-strong team of rescue workers and dogs who had searched for him throughout the weekend called an end to the search Monday.

Simon found the well-preserved mummified remains of a 5,300-year-old hunter while hiking in the Tyrolean Otz Valley in September 1991. Scientists named the mummy Otzi for the region where he was found.

German and Austrian newspapers began speculating Monday whether Simon had fallen afoul of the "Otzi curse," suggesting his apparent death was punishment for having disturbed the resting place where the iceman had lain.

Simon and his wife fought lengthy court battles for legal recognition of their find, which is now on display in Italy, and attracts 300,000 tourists a year. The court ruled in their favor one year ago to the day Simon disappeared.

7-Eleven: Bush ahead by a drop

CHICAGO, Oct. 19 (UPI) -- 7-Eleven's second coffee-cup poll indicates U.S. President Bush is leading his Democratic opponent by 1 point -- just as it did on Oct. 9, 2000.

In September 2000 the convenience store chain began offering coffee drinkers cups printed with either: "I'm voting for Bush" or "I'm voting for Gore" -- or a third cup representing an undecided or third-party vote. The final tally four years ago came to 21-percent support for Bush, 20 percent for Vice President Al Gore, and 59 percent other, the Chicago Tribune reported.

Two weeks from Election Day 2004, this year's coffee-cup poll is in full swig. As of Monday Bush again enjoyed a 1-point lead over the Democratic nominee this year, Sen. John Kerry of Massachusetts. The current tally is 18 percent for Bush and 17 percent for Kerry.