Film of the Week: 'Cradle 2 the Grave'

LOS ANGELES, Feb. 27 (UPI) -- I had originally guessed that "Cradle 2 the Grave" would be a Masterpiece Theatre-style historical drama about the British Labor Party's creation of an all-encompassing "cradle to grave" welfare state. That assumption turned out rather wrong, however.

"Cradle 2 the Grave," which stars rapper DMX and martial arts legend Jet Li, is actually a black-Asian hop-fuey action flick in the tradition of 2000's "Romeo Must Die."

Movies with mostly African-American casts enjoy a steadily profitable niche in the United States but seldom make much money overseas. In turn, kung fu films have long found some of their most devout fans among American blacks, from basketball star Kareem Abdul-Jabbar -- who fought Bruce Lee three decades ago -- down through the hip-hop Wu-Tang Clan, whose leader RZA argues that martial arts originated in Africa.

Action movie producer Joel Silver (who, I was somewhat surprised to discover, is a different person than action movie producer Jerry Bruckheimer) has been trying to develop product to serve both markets simultaneously.

The black-kung fu connection is an intriguing cross-cultural affinity. In the real world, relations between Asian-American shopkeepers and their black customers have improved since the 1992 Los Angeles riots when a couple of thousand Korean-owned stores were looted, but they remain uneasy. In "Cradle," a black crime boss brags to Li about the irony that he's making millions off an illegal club in downtown Los Angeles that caters to Asian gamblers. "A black man gouging Koreans," he chortles.

Chinese martial artists practice their moves endlessly and choreograph their movie fights meticulously. In contrast, African-Americans are the world leaders at improvisation, whether rapping, carrying the football, jazz soloing, delivering sermons, or running the fast break.

Apparently, many African-American kids find in their martial arts dojos the intense discipline otherwise lacking in their lives.

Meanwhile, young East Asian men have long felt envious of and a little intimidated by the stereotypical hypermasculinity of black rappers and sports heroes. That's a big reason why 7'-5" center Yao Ming's strong NBA rookie season has bred so much excitement among Asians worldwide. At last, an Asian is on the verge of dominating in basketball, the ultimate black male game.

Unfortunately, these kind of Hollywood projects aimed at audience segments speaking different languages seldom make much of an effort to develop a script that's interesting in even one language. Globalized screenplays aim for the lowest common denominator.

In "Cradle," shaven-headed DMX leads a gang of ace jewel thieves who blow open a bank vault using a small intercontinental ballistic missile. As they riffle through the safe deposit boxes, DMX explains that they are only stealing from drug dealers and money launderers.

You see, DMX is a good thief. He doesn't use guns and he's a dedicated single father who dotes upon his 8-year-old daughter.

Among the loot is a cache of black diamonds, which an African-American gang then heists from DMX while a Chinese gang kidnaps his daughter. To get them back, DMX must team up with Jet Li, who plays a Taiwanese James Bond sent by Taipei to retrieve the jewels because they aren't really diamonds. I can't tell you what they really are, though, because when the chief villain's hired nerd starts slathering on the pseudo-scientific gobbledygook, I had to put my fingers in my ears to keep my head from exploding.

Oddly, "Cradle" is one of the few action movies without a white bad guy. (Recall the scene in "Rush Hour 2" when Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker abruptly head from Hong Kong to LA for no other reason than Tucker's "Law of Criminal Investigation: Always follow the rich white man.")

To be precise, the heavy looks quite white (karate champion Mark Dacascos is a Eurasian from Hawaii), but the script declares him to be Li's renegade Taiwanese ex-partner. Dacascos was hired because visitors to Li's Web site voted him the man they most wanted to see Li fight, which is at least as good a reason as anything else in "Cradle."

Li's main goal appears to be to get through the movie with his dignity intact. Amazingly, he succeeds, helped by not having to deliver many of the lines in the lame script. Moreover, while poor DMX is forced to get all soppy over his daughter, Li isn't supposed show any emotion at all, which he certainly accomplishes.

In his fights, looking rather like Prince Charles trying to avoid being touched by commoners, Li keeps his hands tucked his pockets, blocking incoming punches with his feet, which looks even cooler than it sounds.

I quite liked Li's dry ice persona. In fact, "Dry Ice" would be a sure-fire title for the next hop-fuey film. I await opening bids for the rights to that name from Silver and Bruckheimer (assuming they aren't the same person).

Rated R for violence, language, and some sexual content.