Jockstrip: The world as we know it

THINGS WE DON'T UNDERSTAND

Move over Paris Eiffel Tower, Seattle Space Needle and St. Louis Arch -- here comes the Lava Lamp.

City leaders in Soap Lake, Wash., are talking about putting up the world's largest lava lamp in the former spa town now lolling in the economic doldrums.

The giant Lava Lamp would be more than 60 feet high and 18 feet wide -- see it at giantlavalamp.com -- and was proposed for the center of town by residents Brent Blake and John Glassco as a way to increase tourism.

They say the region is one of the last areas of the earth to have had a massive flow of lava so the theme would be after 14,000 years, the Lava Lamp returns lava to the region.

NEWS OF OTHER LIFE FORMS

In San Francisco they're now called owner-guardians in legal city documents.

The San Francisco Chronicle says animal rights activists are thrilled city officials voted this week to change the term pet owner to "pet owner-guardian."

"Being a guardian of an animal companion signifies a higher level of responsibility, respect and care to the animals we share our lives with," Elliot Katz, of Marin County's In Defense of Animals, told the paper.

City attorneys say the change has absolutely no legal significance and critics say guardian implies an even less permanent relationship, which could spell trouble in cases where an animal causes harm.

TODAY'S SIGN THE WORLD IS ENDING

The world is at 4:30 a.m. and when the clock strikes 5 -- life on planet Earth ends as we know it. That's the gist of the book "In the Life and Death of Planet Earth," by scientists Donald Brownlee and Peter Ward, says the Australian Broadcasting Corp.

The authors say the end of the world has started but it will take 500 million years for life to disappear from earth.

The ABC notes the scientists compare it to a 24-hour clock with the planet currently at 4:30 a.m. after about 4.5 billion years of existence. At 5 a.m., the University of Washington professors write, animal and vegetable life will end after 1 billion years on earth.

By 8 a.m., they write, the oceans will vaporize and at noon, after 12 billion years, Earth will be absorbed by the Sun.

AND FINALLY, TODAY'S UPLIFTING STORY

A study in the Journal of the American Medical Association says the United States has made significant progress in closing the quality gap in the treatment of chronic conditions and serious illnesses affecting Medicare beneficiaries.

Reducing the quality gap -- the difference between what medical experts say should be standard practice and the care actually provided -- is a major goal of the Medicare Quality Improvement Program.

The study, "Improvement in the Quality of Care Delivered to Medicare Beneficiaries: 1998-1999 to 2000-2001," compares 2000-2001 data to 1998-1999 baseline data on 22 clinical quality measures -- such as administration of aspirin after heart attack, blood sugar testing for people with diabetes, or mammogram screening for breast cancer.