Commentary: Joe Bob's Week in Review

It's all about family in this special Thanksgiving holiday weekend edition of "Joe Bob's Week in Review:"

-- Linda Akin of Cedar Creek, Texas, got into an argument with her mother and sat on her, killing her with her 350-pound frame, police say. If you butt in, you get butt on.

-- Viola Virginia Journey of Woodland, Calif., got tired of taking care of her frail 79-year-old husband, so she shot him to death. No one believed the 70-year-old's claim that it was an accident, so now she's doing two sentences of 25-to-life plus an additional 10 years for "elder abuse." But at least she has some PEACE AND QUIET.

-- Vanessa Foote of Brooklyn, N.Y., conspired with her lover, Jeffrey Richardson, to kill her first husband, Wall Street accountant Kevin Foote. After Richardson shot him, she used the life insurance money to pay for her wedding reception with Richardson. The honeymoon period turned rocky, though, when Vanessa Foote Richardson decided to testify against the second husband at his murder trial. Just because she said, "Kill him" doesn't mean she didn't love him.

-- Javier Rivera of New York City handcuffed his girlfriend's ankles and duct-taped her wrists together, then passed out in a drunken stupor. The girlfriend, a former Miami model, was able to rouse him three hours later, and he unlocked one of the cuffs, freeing one leg -- then passed out again. Five hours later the woman called police, who showed up at 11 a.m., removed the cuffs, woke up Rivera and arrested him. Cops say he had no idea why he was being locked up -- but the woman claims she was held against her will. That will teach you to keep a woman waiting.

-- Christian Lindblad of Big Bear Lake, Calif., fired three bullets into his girlfriend's hand, leg and stomach, according to police, and then decided not to call 911. Instead he called his parents, who helped him set up the girlfriend on a mattress in the garage, where he cared for her with gauze, soapy water and antiseptics for six days. The parents blabbed to a friend, who had the audacity to call paramedics, who airlifted Christina Stebbins to Loma Linda University Medical Center in critical condition. Lindblad is 36, but he knows Mommy and Daddy will always be Mommy and Daddy.

-- John Negron of Brooklyn, N.Y., allegedly set his live-in girlfriend on fire in 1993 and served eight years for the crime before his conviction was overturned and he received a new trial. At the second trial, the girlfriend testified that Negron covered her with turpentine and lit her up, causing burns over half of her body. The jury voted for acquittal, and so Negron is now free to see if there are still sparks in the relationship.

-- One week after the Sept. 11 attacks, Brent David Seever of Detroit found his ex-girlfriend with a new love interest, Yemeni native Ali Almansoop, and chased the man out of her home and shot him dead. Getting creative with his defense, Seever claimed he was enraged over Arab terrorism. The judge and jury rewarded his patriotism with lifetime service in a state-supported institution.

-- Morris Lindenbaum of Glen Head, N.Y., infected his wife with HIV one year after their marriage without telling her he had the disease. It slipped his mind.

-- Cherisse Robinson of Brooklyn stabbed her ex-boyfriend's pregnant girlfriend in the chest, arms and stomach with a 12-inch knife. She pleaded guilty, but was freed on bail pending sentencing. She used the extra time to find her ex-boyfriend and father of her two children at a nightclub, where she proceeded to stab him in the chest and puncture his lung. For the time being, conjugal visits are out.

-- Glenn Robinson of the Milwaukee Bucks was arrested for assault, domestic battery and illegal possession of a firearm after he allegedly "pushed and shoved" his ex-fiancée, which, seeing as how he's 6-foot-7, 230 pounds, would probably be a flagrant foul.

-- Ron Artest of the Indiana Pacers was charged with criminal contempt and aggravated harassment for allegedly making threatening calls to his girlfriend in Long Island City, N.Y., where she is raising their son. The girlfriend claims he called to say, "I'm going to have to hurt you," which we all know is just common NBA trash-talk that roughly translates "Baby, baby, oh baby, you're my baby."

-- Ruby Clayton of the Bronx left a backyard barbecue at her boyfriend Albert Henry's house to "shower and freshen up" at her own apartment a few blocks away. When she returned, Henry was in bed with another woman -- a tryst interrupted when Clayton plunged a large kitchen knife into his chest, killing him while the burgers were still warm.

-- Josephine Gray of Baltimore lost her first husband in 1974 when he was found shot dead in his car in Poolesville, Md. Her second husband was found shot dead in his apartment in Germantown, Md., in 1990. And her boyfriend Clarence Goode never made it to the altar; he was found stuffed in the trunk of his car in West Baltimore in 1996. Prosecutors have put her on trial for murder, saying she killed or assisted in the killing of all three men in order to collect on life insurance totaling $163,000. She was never tried before, say prosecutors, because witnesses fear her voodoo powers. She was obviously levitating those bullets.

(Bob Briggs writes several columns for UPI. Contact him at [email protected] or through his Web site, joebobbriggs.com. Snail mail: P.O. Box 2002, Dallas, Texas 75221.)