The Vegas Guy: Bally's Casino/Tunica

TUNICA, Miss., Sept. 26 (UPI) -- OK, so I'm standing in the foyer of the Delta Levee Cafe ("good country cookin'," says the brochure, which has a habit of dropping g's, Mississippi style), and I realize that the Delta Levee is not just a cool name, it's literally the theme of the restaurant. The restaurant is based around a real-life earthen dam.

The reason I know this is that I'm studying the vintage photos of hydraulic dump trucks building the levee in 1932.

You've got to be SERIOUSLY interested in Mississippi history to build a whole room around dump-truck photos, and so I'm impressed by the sheer daring of the idea.

It is, of course, a strange thing to do, but Bally's in Tunica is sort of the strange capital of the world. It looks like the world's most elaborate Cracker Barrel. The main building is a red barn with outbuildings and a silo. (The silo actually contains the Bonkerz Comedy Club.) The carpet is a truly frightening green, red and yellow with a wildlife theme -- birds and fish and sea anemones. The restaurant has homey wooden booths and framed apple-crate labels. The brochure is written by somebody who studied old "Beverly Hillbillies" episodes:

"When you're hankerin' for a good time, meet up with some of the friendliest folks around at Bally's Casino in Tunica, Mississippi!"

You'll find "more slots and table games than you can shake a stick at," not to mention "heapin' servings of your favorite vittles" at the Cornucopia Buffet. (Shouldn't that be "servin's"?)

In other words, it's quaint, it's downscale, it's the kind of place your grandmother would love. And since it's sort of out where the bus don't stop no more, located on a cul-de-sac pretty far away from the other 10 Tunica casinos, you would think it wouldn't have a chance in Hades to attract anything other than nickel slots players bused in from nursing homes.

And yet it's pretty durn successful. Even though it's tiny, it's actually seventh out of 10 in terms of revenues and profitability, and that's because the people who do love it, REALLY love it. It probably wouldn't survive in any market outside the South, but this is Tunica, where there's no such thing as being too hokey. If I owned it, I think I'd bring in some cows and goats just for additional ambience.

Bally's Tunica is actually the successor of two casinos that were among the original four riverboats that docked at Mhoon Landing after gambling was legalized here in 1992. Mhoon Landing is abandoned now, too far south of Memphis to compete, but one of those original boats was called the Lady Luck, and when its fortunes started to fail on the river proper, the owners moved several miles north and threw up the barn, which is actually a barge, although you can't tell because it's surrounded by parking lots. When they still failed to turn a profit, it was taken over by Bally's, which moved out of its own riverboat a year later.

That was in December of 1995, after seven other casinos had opened in the northern part of the county, but somehow the little isolated Old McDonald joint hung in there and profited on what eventually amounted to a $65 million investment. It helps that Bally's is now owned by Park Place Entertainment, the largest player in Tunica, owners of both the Grand and the Sheraton.

Bally's doesn't have any of the ultra-modern trappings of most casinos -- zero space for meetings or conventions, no hotel -- but does have a small motel nearby that is the area's best-kept secret. On most nights you can get a $19 room there, and with that room comes the use of all the facilities at the Grand, which is a mega-resort with a golf course, skeet shooting range, spa, gourmet restaurants and Tunica's largest gaming floor. (Oh yeah, you also get a refrigerator in the room. They're very proud of this fact.)

The shuttle-bus ride is just five minutes to the Grand, so here's one of my rare Arthur Frommer travel tips: Stay at Bally's but don't gamble or eat there.

Not that it isn't an OK place to hang out. They know they have to keep people entertained, so they always have live music in The Saloon, a semi-circular bar that functions as the lounge. They book C-level acts like B.J. Thomas, Jason D. Williams, Sonny Turner's Platters, and Clarence Carter, but the better draw is actually the comedy club, which books "as seen on" comics ("As seen on Comedy Central," "As seen on USA Network," "As seen on Showtime").

The gaming experience itself is nothing special, unless you like rusty iron, exposed wood and railroad ties. Oh, and SUVs! Bally's loves to give away SUVs in special drawings and slots promotions.

Bonkerz, the comedy club, is the only one in Tunica, and it's the only comedy club I've ever seen that's IN THE ROUND. (Remember, it's in a silo.) I've worked a few comedy clubs in my day, and something about facing those people in the round is absolutely frightening to me. My hat is off to anyone who gets booked there.

The motto of Bally's is "It just feels right!" I tried to get into that feeling, but I didn't quite make it. They had excellent chicken-fried steak in the Delta Levee, though, so I agreed with the brochure when it told me that Bally's is a fine place to "rest a spell."

Isn't that what Granny did? It fits.

BALLY'S TUNICA

1450 Bally's Blvd., Tunica, Miss.

Theme: Old MacDonald Had a Casino

Opened: 1995

Total investment: $65 million

Known for: Bonkerz, the only comedy club in town, and the

only in-the-round comedy club.

Marketing niche: Locals, seniors, country folk, bargain

hunters

Gambler's Intensity: Low

Cocktail speed: Medium

Dealers: Friendly

Bosses: Bored

Tables: 40

Rare games: None.

Slots: 1,313

Rooms: 235

Surrounding area: Although Bally's is the second-closest casino to Memphis, it's kind of isolated between the enormous Grand, to the north, and the "Casino Center" cluster to the south, consisting of the Sheraton, the Horseshoe and the Gold Strike.

Web site: ballysms.com

Overall rating: 60

Joe Bob's bankroll: Down $30 after an hour of Three Card

Poker: total to date +$235

(E-mail Joe Bob Briggs, "The Vegas Guy," at [email protected] or visit Joe Bob's Web site at joebobbriggs.com. Snail-mail: P.O. Box 2002, Dallas, Texas 75221.)