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Scott's World -- UPI Arts & Entertainment

By VERNON SCOTT, United Press International   |   Dec. 25, 2001 at 4:40 PM   |   Comments

HOLLYWOOD, Dec. 25 (UPI) -- A list of New Year's resolutions and wishes for stars and celebrities for 2002:

Russell Crowe: A second consecutive Oscar.

Barbra Streisand: A plane ticket to Afghanistan.

Alec Baldwin: The seat next to Streisand.

Leonardo DiCaprio: A lifeboat for his career.

Robert Downey, Jr.: A permanent room at the Betty Ford Clinic.

Wynona Ryder: A credit card.

Shrek: A lifetime supply of Beano.

Tom Cruise: A crying towel for losing Nicole Kidman.

Jennifer Cruz: A spelling change in her last name?

Will Smith: A title bout vs. Sylvester Stallone.

Madonna: A musical rhinestone navel pierce.

Phil Donahue: A seat beside Baldwin.

Sissy Spacek: An Oscar for "In The Bedroom."

Warren Beatty: A sequel to "In The Bedroom," co-starring Annette Bening.

Brad Pitt: A sober barber.

Oprah Winfrey: Gwyneth Paltrow's diet secrets.

Martha Stewart: A collapsed souffle, stunted petunias, burned roast, imperfect hairdo, messy house and a fifth of vodka.

Bob Hope: A better new year.

Katharine Hepburn: And many more.

Julia Roberts: A script worthy of her talents.

Drew Barrymore: A reversible wedding gown.

Al Gore: A clean shave.

Liza Minnelli: Good luck on her fourth marriage.

Ellen Degeneres: Host of this year's Oscar Awards.

Jennifer Lopez: A group photograph with Paltrow, Reese Witherspoon, Calista Flockhart, Cameron Diaz, Lisa Kudrow, Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears and other show biz skinny blondes identified by number.

Sean Connery: A list of the blondes with their phone numbers and addresses.

Marlon Brando: See Oprah.

Catherine Zeta-Jones: Fewer films with her husband.

Michael Douglas: More films with wife Zeta-Jones.

Carmen Electra: A comeback -- from what?

Kate Couric: A bigger raise.

Sarah Jessica Parker: A new hairdresser for God's sake.

Michael Jackson: A moon dance on Mars with Dennis Rodman.

Tommy Hilfiger and Eddie Bauer: Stop orders forbidding plastering their names on everything from underwear to automobiles.

Sharon Stone: An open charge account with Victoria's Secret.

The Olson twins: A double date with Macaulay Culkin and Charlie Sheen.

Sarah Michelle Gellar: An affair with a vampire.

John Travolta: No more films with religious associations.

Bruce Willis: A fright wig.

Sinead O'Connor: The same.

Jody Foster: A worthy script.

Whoopi Goldberg: A name change for One Ho Productions.

Monica Lewinsky: A likeness of Bill Clinton tattooed on her buns.

Woody Allen: Another "Manhattan" or even a martini.

Rudy Guiliani: A star on everyone's Walk of Fame.

Hilary Swank: A mainstream picture.

Hillary Clinton: Swank's swank.

Sean Penn: A year at Yasser Arafat's charm school.

Arnold Schwarzenegger: A bout against the winner of the Will Smith-Stallone punch-out.

Renee Zellweger: If Arnold ever gets divorced, a marriage to him would make her Renee Zellweger Schwarzenegger; put that on a theater marquee why don'tcha!

Goldie Hawn: A comeback in a hit movie.

Elizabeth Taylor: An offer from the World Wrestling Federation and a date with Minnesota's governor.

Kelsey Grammer: A guest shot on Ted Danson's show, or just a shot.

Steven Spielberg: A halt to future "Jurassic Park" sequels.

Ditto for "Shrek."

Jim Carrey: A Jerry Lewis guide to playing nut cases.

Judy Dench: A name change to Garland or any other moniker.

Judge Judy: Disbarment.

Moon Unit Zappa: A biography of Sun Yat-sen.

"Lord of the Rings": The Oscar for best picture of 2001.

Osama bin Ladin: A shroud.

Topics: Al Gore, Alec Baldwin, Annette Bening, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Barbra Streisand, Betty Ford, Bill Clinton, Bob Hope, Brad Pitt, Britney Spears, Bruce Willis, Calista Flockhart, Cameron Diaz, Carmen Electra, Charlie Sheen, Christina Aguilera, Dennis Rodman, Drew Barrymore, Elizabeth Taylor, Ellen DeGeneres, Goldie Hawn, Hilary Swank, Jennifer Lopez, Jerry Lewis, Jim Carrey, John Travolta, Katharine Hepburn, Kelsey Grammer, Leonardo DiCaprio, Lisa Kudrow, Liza Minnelli, Macaulay Culkin, Madonna, Marlon Brando, Martha Stewart, Michael Douglas, Michael Jackson, Nicole Kidman, Oprah Winfrey, Phil Donahue, Reese Witherspoon, Renee Zellweger, Robert Downey, Russell Crowe, Sarah Jessica Parker, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Sean Connery, Sean Penn, Sharon Stone, Sinead O'Connor, Sissy Spacek, Sylvester Stallone, Tom Cruise, Warren Beatty, Whoopi Goldberg, Will Smith, Woody Allen, Hillary Rodham Clinton
© 2001 United Press International, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Any reproduction, republication, redistribution and/or modification of any UPI content is expressly prohibited without UPI's prior written consent.
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