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WHAT TO DO WITH UNCLE SCROOGE?

Every family has one. Everybody knows one. It's that member of the clan who over the years has thrown cold water on holiday celebrations by doling out low-end Christmas gifts that in no way match their ability to pay or what they were given by the rest of the happy gift-giving relatives.

Christmas is considered the season of giving and the spirit of the occasion -- not to mention holiday decorum -- demands that someone who receives a clunker of a present not be so crass as to complain after opening something that looks suspiciously like it came off the shelf of a convenience store on Christmas Eve.

"There is one fellow who is a millionaire, but he takes free things he gets over the year, like T-shirts and things that come in the mail, and gives them as presents," marveled Bonnie Russell, a San Diego public relations executive.

While re-gifting a free detergent sample may be a laughable extreme, there is a more serious aspect to the situation when people begin to feel that their gestures of goodwill are not returned in kind, when the other person has a bountiful budget and is perfectly capable of putting some more effort into Christmas shopping.

And there is nothing like an obligatory holiday get-together to aggravate the perceived slights that can build up inside a family over the years.

From an etiquette standpoint, the reaction is clear, according to experts on manners. "Our generosity should not be affected by someone else's lack of same," explained Wilvia Medina, director of the Medina Institute in Baltimore and, according to his resume, a certified etiquette expert from the Protocol School of Washington. "Whether at holiday time or any other time of year, a gift should not be given with the expectation of an equal exchange."

While this sage advice sounds simple enough, following it from year to year may require more discipline and nobility than some people can muster, which sets the stage for hurt feelings, raised voices and, if the right amount of alcohol is applied, a full-blown donnybrook that winds up on an episode of "Cops."

"I hate like heck the concept of people getting into big fights," said Peter Post of the Emily Post Foundation in Burlington, Vt. "And you know it's going to turn into a fight. You can just hear it degenerating, and that's not what the point of the family getting together is."

Psychologists said the reasons behind holiday "scroogery" can range from a genuinely miserly attitude and long-term hostilities to deep-seated fears of poverty, to a sense of entitlement in which the cheapskate doesn't feel obligated to give anything in return.

Laurie Berkenkamp, the Texas-based co-author of "Teaching Your Children Good Manners," ventured that some holiday slackers simply don't know they need to put some effort into Christmas, a fact of life that parents may neglect to teach their kids because they themselves are too wrapped up in their own materialism.

"It is important for parents to teach their children that gifts are expressions of the good wishes of the giver, regardless of whether the physical gift is something they like or not," she said. "It's a parent's job to teach their kids to look beyond the physical part of gift giving, enough to say a gracious 'thank you' and to accept the thought behind it -- and that's not easy for most kids without a lot of coaching."

Post and other manners mavens said those who feel slighted should act graciously for sake of Christmas cheer, send the thoughtless lug a thank-you note and then reevaluate how much money they want to spend next year on that person.

Los Angeles psychologist Noelle Nelson suggested treating the cheapskate as one of the family eccentrics and make a joke of it, or at least look at the big picture and not take it too personally. "The spirit of Christmas is not about shouting matches," she said. "Christmas is about peace on Earth, and how can you have that if you can't even keep the peace in your own family?"

-- Who's the holiday "Scrooge" in your family, and what has been some reactions to his or her gifts?

(Thanks to UPI's Hil Anderson in Los Angeles)

'IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE'

Millions of words have been written on the importance of the Hollywood movie on American life. Not all of them have been good. Currently there is a huge wave of anger in this country over the way the movies have changed society for the worse -- making a four-letter vulgarity commonplace in our language, even though before Hollywood wrote it into every other line of dialogue it was a taboo word and never spoken by millions.

Some say that Hollywood has glorified the worst parts of society. Additionally, there is a massive feeling of resentment in rural America that the movies have stripped away our ability to be regional, forcing us to accept a gritty, foul-mouthed, violent, sexual manner of acting as the norm, then convincing the rest of the world that all Americans are like that.

But then there's "It's a Wonderful Life." Yes, albeit made in the 1940s in a different era by a producer whose works were often described as Capra-corn.

So why do we watch it in each year? Why has "It's a Wonderful Life" become as much a part of society as the tree, the presents or the trip to Grandma's house? Maybe that movie proves that not all of Hollywood is bad. That enduring values, simple stories, morality plays and great acting can endure and move us to tears of joy.

"Mr. Gower wires you need money -- stop -- Hee-Haw and Merry Christmas."

-- Why do you think "It's A Wonderful Life" has become such a holiday tradition? How many times have you seen the film?

(Thanks to UPI Feature Reporter Dennis Daily)