Helicopter Moms: The Bad Haircut

NEWTON, N.J., Jan. 21 (UPI) -- (Editor's note: Sometimes it's hard to tell whether you're tackling motherhood in the 21st century -- or being tackled by it. This is the latest in a series of reflections by UPI writers.)

When my 8-year-old son announced last summer he wanted to grow his normally short, neat hair out, I was fine with the notion.

On one hand, I wanted to be supportive of his decision to express himself -- especially in such a harmless way. On the other, I was happy to save $10 every six weeks on haircuts in a terrible economy. It was a win-win situation.

As my son's hair grew in darker and thicker than it had ever been, he received loads of compliments about how grown-up he looked. He loved that because, as it turns out, he had been trying to cultivate a rock star look.

I was fine with the new him until December. It was around then I noticed that if he took a bath before bed, his hair would stand out in all directions when he woke up and no amount of brushing or product could tame it. Then I started having him shower in the morning so his hair would be nice and neat for school, but that didn't work either because he's not a morning person and was late for school a couple of times due to his new morning regime. It also got colder and he started wearing a hat every day, causing the dreaded "hat hair," so it didn't really matter what his hair looked like when he left the house, it was a disaster when he arrived for class.

What to do, what to do.

I had promised him he could grow his hair out and he seemed fine with the way it was going, however, having the child I try to take such good care of look so unkempt was driving this hovering helicopter mom crazy.

After reviewing my Christmas pictures, most of which featured my boy and his wild hair, I decided to get his tresses trimmed -- not a haircut; just a shaping, I told him.

Needless to say, my son was not happy. There were allegations of betrayal and broken promises, but finally he relented.

I told him he could keep it long. I swore the hairstylist would just tidy it up and, while he remained unhappy, he climbed up in the chair one Saturday and went along with it. I then repeated exactly what I said to him to the young woman who would be cutting his hair. She assured me she understood and I sat down to grab a few precious moments with the thriller I had been trying for months to find time to read. Big mistake.

When I looked up, I was horrified at what this woman had done to my little boy. Eddie Munster, "Dumb & Dumber" and "Sling Blade" all came to mind as I glared at the child's slap-dash 'do. Seriously, the best way to describe it was a bowl cut with un-even bangs and ridiculously long side-flaps. This woman was only a little less dangerous than Sweeney Todd.

My son innocently beamed at me: "OK? Better now?"

"Nooooo!" I nearly cried, but not wanting to embarrass him or lunge at the stylist, I nodded and said, "Nice haircut." I paid the woman and went out to the car, still stunned.

I looked again at the boy in disbelief and inquired, "What do you think about your haircut?" To which, the lad replied, "It's alright; what do you think?" I couldn't help it and blurted out: "I hate it! But when we get home Daddy will fix it and it'll be fine."

My son went quiet for a moment, shook his head, then said, "I don't want to talk about my hair anymore."

At home, my husband took one look at his boy, got out the clippers and paid him $5 not to fuss. He was able to cut off the side-flaps, but that didn't help much. Unfortunately, the town barber was closed Sunday and Monday, so he had to wait until Tuesday to have it fixed. He wore a hat all weekend.

Right after school Tuesday, I took him back to the barber shop and, thankfully, the woman who cut the kid's hair a few days prior wasn't there. A very sympathetic woman who worked there looked at my son's hair and said, "Who did this to him?"

She then whispered an aside to me, "He looks like the guy from 'Dumb & 'Dumber.'"

When I told her the catastrophic cut had happened in this very establishment, she sighed and said she knew exactly who was responsible. She set to work and gave my son a good, cute cut and refused to take any money from me, explaining she would have a little chat with the other stylist and get the money from her.

I left the barber shop, vowing I'd never again offer an opinion on my son's hair. Let's hope this time I can keep my word -- for everyone's sake.