Content of conversations in dating as not important as language

LUBBOCK, Texas, Feb. 28 (UPI) -- Similar use of language in dating is a better predictor than other variables, such as shared points of view, of relationship stability, U.S. researchers say.

Molly Ireland, a visiting assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at Texas Tech University; Rich Slatcher at Wayne State University; James Pennebaker and Paul Eastwick at University of Texas at Austin said people who use the same kinds of function words are more likely to find a match.

Function words include personal pronouns -- such as he, she, it -- articles such as "a" "an" or "the" and conjunctions -- and, or, but, nor.

"We were surprised by how well language similarity predicted relationship stability above and beyond these other variables," Ireland said in a statement. "People also aren't very good at predicting ahead of time what they'll find attractive on a date. So in a way, language predicts what people want in a partner better than they do themselves."

Ireland and colleagues examined 40 speed dates between heterosexual males and females and analyzed the daters' language using special computers. The researchers discovered a positive correlation of function-word similarity with speed-daters' odds of going on a second date and long-term couples' odds of still being together three months after the study, Ireland said.

Language similarity was an even better predictor of relationship stability compared to other related variables such as the perceived similarity with one's date, perceived relationship quality and how many words people spoke to each other during each conversation.

"Conversations between romantic partners make up some of the most important dialogue in most adults' lives," Ireland said. "Romantic relationships have a huge influence on our health and well-being, and I think that conversation is a big part of what makes those relationships succeed or fail at every stage -- from first dates to marriages."