Letterman read "Signs You Were Watching Bad Election Coverage" on Wednesday's edition of his show.
It went as follows:
10. Kept calling Republican candidate "Milt" Romney.
9. Germaphobic anchorman refused to operate touch screen.
8. Viewers advised, "Actual voting results may vary."
7. After each state was called, anchor painted one of his teeth red or blue.
6. Too much attention paid to exit polls in Canada and Mexico.
5. Electoral map drawn on anchorman's shaved torso.
4. For reasons unknown, news desk crawling with raccoons.
3. The interactive map became self-aware and destroyed the studio.
2. When Colorado passed Amendment 64, news anchor lit up a joint.
1. They still won't call Ohio.