The trio read the Top 10 list "Reasons to Watch the New Season of 'Two and a Half Men'" on Thursday's edition of "Late Show," which tapes in New York.
It went as follows --
10. Kutcher: If you had a hit show, I'd watch it.
9. Jones: Television is a great way to avoid interacting with your family.
8. Cryer: I need to pay for a really big new house.
7. Kutcher: If you don't, I'll make "Dude, Where's My Car? 2."
6. Jones: The economy sucks; our show's free -- what more do you need?
5. Cryer: This season, we'll reveal who the mother is.
4. Kutcher: We're switching to metric, so it'll be "4.023 Men."
3. Jones: I'm 35 [expletive] damn years old.
2. Cryer: It's like "The Odd Couple," but we get to use the word "wiener."
1. Kutcher: Watch it, don't watch it -- I get paid either way.
Kutcher joins Cryer and Jones on the series as Walden Schmidt, an Internet billionaire with a broken heart, on the ninth season premiere of "Men," set to air Sept. 19.
Kutcher is replacing Charlie Sheen, who was fired this year after eight seasons because of his erratic behavior and substance abuse, as well as for disparaging remarks he made about series creator Chuck Lorre.