Bacon has great concern over the decline in awareness of '80s culture and knows exactly where the problem lies -- with millennials.
He highlights how the art of courtship was much harder and lent itself to higher potential for embarrassment.
"If I wanted to ask a girl out, there was no OK Twinder. I went to the White Pages -- Google it! I had to call her house, then you had to make small talk with her mom for like 20 minutes before Alicia even came to the phone. And when she turned down your invitation to Sbarros, you can't just swipe away the hurt."
He laments the dramatization of international issues by this generation on the Internet.
"I saw you tweeted an article about Russia. You think Russia is a threat now? Let me tell you about a little thing called the Cold War...You couldn't even skateboard to a Blockbuster without getting nuked."
Finally frustrated with millennials' apparent apathy, he walks out announcing to the group of people on their smartphones, "You people will never know the comfort of parachute pants."
Educate yourselves, millennials, and take time to think about all the room you are missing in your skinny jeans.